The Official Writing Challenge
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I think you’ve done a nice job with this article. Right on subject. I would like to feel a little bit more of what the MC was feeling as she was experiencing these things...more detail, I guess. But you held my attention all the way through. Good job!
03/16/21
An interesting report but, does SHE have a name? To me it seemed that SHE is a report. I would prefer more engaged emotion in the report, and I am not one to want my emotions plucked.
03/17/21
Since this is fiction, I suggest making it sound less like a report and perhaps more like a diary. Taking out the dozen "would"s would help:-). It's a good piece, worth re-working.