Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: CONTROL (02/18/21)
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TITLE: The Squirming Soul | Previous Challenge Entry
By Chris Stanley
02/21/21 -
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Loud ringing and vibrations came rushing through his cell phone, a calendar reminder. There look at that, it’s like his soul just did a summersault. His mind turned toward his wife. The new desk they purchased needed to be assembled. It was two weeks ago today that they agreed they would set time aside this morning to put it together This is the alarm to remind him. His son needs the desk, his wife deserves his time, but all he wants to do is “Netflix and chill”. I know, you’re right, his innermost thoughts are torn, but you haven’t seen anything yet.
He quickly silenced his phone, but his thoughts only grew louder. The calendar reminder to help his wife led him to think about work. The task list his boss gave him just before he clocked out on Friday is looming over him like a safe over a Saturday morning cartoon character. Even with his approved overtime he’s concerned about meeting the client’s deadlines and the repercussions if he ends up being late. Although he is unable to work on the project until Monday morning, the pressure is mounting and is about to burst like frozen pipes in a 100-year-old house whose plumbing hasn’t been upgraded, ever. Yet he just wants to relax, and appease his wife.
You’re right, as he focuses attention back to the movie his movements slow down. Often, there will be a moment of rest, but it is short-lived. Just watch how quickly the serenity evades him. Did you witness that text from his sister? The email from his pastor? The phone call from his friend? How about his wife who is now shouting from their son’s bedroom? But the loudest of all is the quiet evil, distant whisper, the one he can never turn off, that faintly screams “you idiot, you don’t know what you’re doing, you’ll never amount to anything”. It’s heart wrenching. He works so hard and wants to please everyone, including himself.
If it wasn’t so agonizing, it would be hilarious. He wants to govern his own life. He thinks he can navigate life on his own as the captain, correction, the admiral of his own ship. Take a look at it from his perspective, he thinks of it as the biggest and most powerful aircraft carrier in any international fleet.
No, he doesn’t peer past the façade, he doesn’t want to. If we keep his life metaphor going and peel back the layers of the veneer, he’s piloting a rusty row boat with one ore. If he is asked, he will say, with conviction, that he is in total dominion of his life. If he is honest, he will admit (to no one) that his control is a delusion. Yes, he’s making his own decisions and, in that sense, he has control. However, his desire to serve everyone means he is truly serving no-one. The evil voice he hears is from the evil one, and says just enough at the right times to keep his squirming.
What’s that? You think we should tell him the answer? Of course, we could explain that giving full authority, of his life, over to God would give him not only rest, but joy. Yet, you have to think it through. Will merely telling him the answer mean he will listen?
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