Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: WOUND (11/26/20)
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TITLE: Day of Healing | Previous Challenge Entry
By Jackie Smithwick
12/02/20 -
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It was six years earlier when I learned my father’s brother had passed. My two sisters, me and my little four year old boy rode together to the house of my uncle. This house held many memories of my childhood, some good, but some not so good.
He was there, and my heart began to race a little as he walked toward me. Then to my surprise, he didn’t even recognize me. I stopped him, and said, “Hey aren’t you even going to speak?”
He looked at me a little funny and said, “Oh, I’m sorry do I know you?”
I said, “Yes, I’m your daughter.”
Then he said, “Oh, I’m sorry, it’s been a long time. How are you doing?”
I told him I was fine, and introduced him to my son, who was standing at my feet. He looked down, smiled and said, “I always wanted a boy.”
No telling what was on my face, but I said, “Well you have a lot of grandsons,” he didn’t offer anything else, so I walked away.
Then six years later, I asked myself, “why would I want to visit a man who never tried to contact me in all my adult years?
“A still quiet voice whispered to my heart, “this is your father, he is in the hospital. You may never have another chance to speak with him.”
I went to the hospital alone that day. I walked into his room and introduced myself. A big smile came across his face, and I could tell he was glad to see me. I remember thinking he may just be glad to have a visitor.
We talked about his injury, the weather, etc. The conversation was polite, but a little strained. I was careful not to say anything that would revisit the pain from our last encounter. Then I shared with him that I had trusted Jesus and was trying to live a life pleasing to God. He told me that he loved the Lord, although he had made some big mistakes during his life. I didn’t realize it, but this was a day of healing.
As I was leaving his room I turned and said, “I want to ask you to do something for me.”
He was a little puzzled and asked, “what can I do for you?”
I said, “Would you please pray for me?”
I couldn’t believe those words came out of my mouth, because I was not even planning to say them. He looked at me with big tears in his eyes and said, “yes, sure I’ll pray for you, if you will pray for me.”
I left his room that day with a huge burden lifted. I felt different. Forgiveness had come and I was free. Only by the grace of God could I now love this man.
Later that year I learned where he lived, visited him, and we established the father daughter relationship I had dreamed of. He came for Thanksgiving, and at Christmas our family went to his church. In the following spring we visited him Sunday afternoons about once a month. We took him dinner, sat and talked. Sometimes he took my son, ten, and my daughter, 6, to pick blackberries. In my mind’s eye is a photo of them walking off together, swinging their buckets, laughing and talking. On my birthday in September he left this life to be with Jesus.
I thank God for giving me the supernatural ability to forgive, and the chance to not only know my father, but to know what my Heavenly Father can do with old wounds we think can never heal.
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First, the hook needs developed to add tension. You do this by pulling the reader into your emotions. Don't simply state facts, get the reader to feel them.
Second, you never explain what caused the rift between your father and you. That would help the reader keep with the flow of the story.
Third, learn to write active verbs over passive. Always tightens a story.
Fourth, I would have ended the story at the end of the hospital visit. That is where the healing took place. Asking for prayer is HUGE. Let the impact of that be the end of the story. The rest is sort of a tag, a "catching up" and takes away the impact of the restoration.