The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
11/26/20
Very detailed story showing how God works in our lives. Good job. One suggestion. Put a space between paragraphs. Makes it easier to read. Keep up the good work.
11/27/20
Great examples! It would have been so much easier to read had you double-spaced between paragraphs.
I love this story. The idea that God uses times we wait to glorify him struck me as well how everything needs to be in his timing.
You have quite a few comma errors (especially with word and). This is my favorite online resource:
http://guidetogrammar.org/grammar/commas.htm
In my opinion, it's a tad stretch of topic. If you take off beginning and end, I'd have no idea what topic might be. If the MC had breathing treatments, I could see it better (and perhaps she did, but it doesn't say). Read some of the articles in Master's or Editor's Choice and you'll see you the topic can be present throughout, sometimes without every using topic word.

You have a solid foundation here and a clear wonderful message. Keep writing. I look forward to reading more from you.