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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: ZEST (10/01/15)
Leonard loved his boat and enjoyed his career. He had watched other fishermen sail far out from shore ever since he was a small boy and he longed for the day when would be allowed to sail his own boat. Now his dream had come true after years of hard work. He remembered what he had learned from his father and the other men on his home island. He owned a boat and knew how to handle it in every kind of weather. Yet this boat was quite different to all the boats on that far away island in his home country. Leonard’s fishing career was also different. He had heeded the call to be a ‘fisher of men’.

Leonard was proud of his boat, though he had to create it from old packing cases and from left-over canvas from the tent he was not allowed to use any longer for preaching. The mast had also been part of his Gospel tent and the sails were from the tent roof. He was allowed to visit villages along the coast of the large Kunming Lake, even though the Communists had taken over the city. Yet the day came in 1950 when he had to leave his beloved China behind and join his family who had gone to Ceylon almost a year earlier.

Soon after he landed in Ceylon he made a new tent, bought a van (with a promise of paying it in installments when the family support arrived). Within two months he was on his way to win new souls in this new country – with tent loaded on the roof rack and the family and one or two interpreters packed inside the van. He was a fisher of men. He had no time to rest. A much-needed furlough forced him to leave the work in Ceylon and take his family home to a cooler climate. A few months later in Finland, he found his next ‘fishing vessel’. A former mine sweeper was being scrapped. He bought it, and with help from volunteers, he re-built it into a Gospel ship.

Along with a team of would-be missionaries Leonard and his family sailed the Gospel ship to Ceylon. The following fifteen years of his ‘fishing career’ along the coastal area of Ceylon, included numerous storms, resulting in umpteen repair-trips to South India, which were necessary to keep the ship afloat. None of the storms could quell his zeal. He used every opportunity to share the Gospel message with all he met, whether they were fishermen, customs officers, or policemen. Many were caught in the heavenly fishing net.

A larger vision drove him even further on. The boy from a small island off the coast of Finland longed to reach the unreached people on the many islands of Indonesia. He had left his homeland for China when he was just twenty. He was forced out of China when he was forty one. Indonesia called him when he was sixty two. The Gospel ship ploughed the seas and faced storms even there.

Finally the ship’s era was over. One terribly stormy night, the ship sank. All nineteen people on board were miraculously saved. (That’s another story). They were photographed when they were safe on shore after eighteen hours in a small boat. A random circle appeared above the group in one of the photos. It looked like a globe. Leonard saw the globe as a promise: “Now the whole world is open for us. We are not tied to a single vessel or method of work.” The fisher of men had not lost the vision, even though he had lost everything he owned in the shipwreck. He was 74. He traveled to different countries encouraging churches to continue reaching out to people with the Gospel.

Soon after his 80th birthday, lying on his deathbed, he still hoped to make one more trip to his beloved China. He took his final breath while his faithful wife sang the words of John 14:1-3 in Chinese.
“Do not let your heart be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.”

Leonard’s fishing days were over.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Judy Sauer 
10/08/15
Leonard was a determined soul. He was not deterred from adversity-it seemed to have made him stronger.

I noticed several punctuation errors. You might want to check Jan's Writing Basics on Commas. It's an interesting lesson I recently completed. Keep writing.
Lynn Smith
10/10/15
I really liked your story. I love the water so I was on the edge of my seat wondering what was going to happen. Good job.

Critique: There are some punctuation mistakes and perhaps you might want to add some dialogue.

All the best. :)
C D Swanson 
10/10/15
I really enjoyed the story and the content message.
Nicely on topic.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
10/14/15
This is a charming story. I enjoyed Leonard's innovation. His ways were interesting and inspirational. I think your Bible verse was a perfect fit for your story.

My main red ink would be the old show, don't tell. Your opening paragraph is all telling; by mixing it up some, you can show and introduce a conflict. (Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards has a lesson this week about conflict, and an older lesson about showing. If you haven't participated yet, I'd urge you to check it out.) Here's an example of showing and introducing a conflict:
Sighing, Leonard looked out upon the waters. He'd dreamed of becoming a fisherman for as long as he could remember. Today he planned on sailing away in his very own boat. A slight chill rippled down his spine. Fishing for fish was easy. I've learned everything I know from Dad and his crew, but this trip will take me far from home. I'll be looking for souls for Jesus. Oh, Father, I pray I'm ready and won't mess up.

I know I took a lot of liberties, but wanted to show you how body language, dialog (in this case thought), and tightening sentences and avoid clichés can create a more vivid picture for the reader. I tried to stay true to your voice while still demonstrating what I meant.

I think you did a wonderful job of covering the topic. Although, you used zeal once, I don't remember you using zest, yet it was still right on topic. That takes talent, and I think you fully captured it.

Your message is clear and a powerful one. There are many ways we can spread the news; sometimes God calls us to do it in unique ways. I often find it terrifying, but like your MC, knowing Jesus is with me makes the arduous journey a pleasant one indeed.

I noticed a few sentences that could use commas to prevent run-ons or after introductory and parenthetical phrases. Here's a link to my favorite online resource. At the end of each section, there is a quiz to let you know how well you understand the rules: (Hm my favorite link is unavailable, but this is good too):

http://www.thepunctuationguide.com/comma.html

Overall, I think you did a nice job on this piece. I enjoyed your MC, and you took the reader on a journey through time. I look forward to reading more of your work. The more you write, read other challenge entries (and leave constructive feedback), your writing will blossom, and you'll be zooming up the levels. I also believe the Holy Spirit will use your stories to touch many, probably in ways you may never expect. :)