The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
07/19/12
What fond memories for you!
I felt like I was there watching the action take place.

It would be easier for me to read if there were spaces between paragraphs.

The memories of singing are wonderful!
I loved your memories. Like you I grew up during the Second World War and the kitchen was where everybody gathered. It was an extremely large kitchen. Maybe fourteen feet by twenty feet. Biggest room in the whole house.
07/20/12
What a great story. I would love to see it in a novel! I smiled throughout the entire piece. And I laughed out loud about the "ironing in the kitchen." My grandmother and mom while I was growing up...always ironed in the kitchen!

Wonderful job and great message. God bless~
07/20/12
What lovely, comforting kitchen memories you have! Thank you for sharing them with us! :)
07/22/12
Sounds like you grew up like I did. Singing was an important part of work. I would like to see it broken down in paragraphs, lengthened and made into a book/phamphlet. Keep wirting
wonderful story--great inspiration.

Thank you.

Darlene Thompson
This is such a sweet story. I can close my eyes and almost hear the voices drifting from one house to the next. Oh what a delight that must have been.

I have just a couple of little suggestions for you. Try breaking your story into small paragraphs and double space between them. The other thing I noticed is that you tend to repeat a lot of words in the same paragraph or so. Greens is one word you used a lot and another one is conversations in your opening paragraph. Just by rearranging the sentence structure you can avoid that. Something like this -- Often I find myself reminiscing about adventures from my youth with ladies from my hometown who were exposed to similar things. My favorite topic is the singing that flowed through each house.
While that may not be a perfect example, I hope it helps show what I mean.

I think you did a great job on covering the topic and adding a fresh perspective to it. I imagine because you lost your mom at such a tender age that those memories are very dear to you. Thank you for being brave enough to share such an intimate memory with virtual strangers. In doing so, you were fulfilling the song's instructions --t5o trust and to obey! I have no doubt that God will use your words in ways you can't even begin to imagine.