Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Year(s) (01/20/11)
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TITLE: Follow Your Heart | Previous Challenge Entry
By Christine Cain
01/22/11 -
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Title: Follow your Heart
August sunshine filtered through the window of the upstairs flat revealing dust particles dancing in the air. For the first time since she could remember Naledi had a twinge in her spirit and just a faint glimmer of hope and possibility. She would never have left her family and home in South Africa if she had not been kidnapped, beaten and raped by violent thugs three years ago. Her long period of physical and psychological recovery had made her want to move to the UK. At 26 years of age she wanted a fresh start and a better, quieter and more sophisticated lifestyle. She felt safer now and wanted to move on from bad times and look forward to a new and brighter future. Naledi‘s name means ‘star’ and her personality reflected and exuded brilliance and depth, it could be said that she really sparkled.
She had lived in her rented flat in Northampton for six months and made it as cosy as possible, completely refurbishing the rooms with new furniture. Recently she found a newly built ground floor maisonette in the next village and had a mortgage approved. Today the managing agent phoned and said she could move in whenever she was ready. She worked as a PA for a local printing firm and her employer had given her the day off to get some arrangements sorted. Her appointment with the removal company agent was in around 5 minutes and she made a checklist of questions to ask him.
She liked the silver BMW that drew up and parked in the layby below and she watched as the tall, slim, good looking guy stepped out of the car and leaned across to get his briefcase and mobile phone. The buzzer sounded and she pressed her intercom “Yes, who is it please” “It’s Mark Simmons from Express Removals for a 3 o’clock appointment.” She couldn’t imagine why her knees were trembling at his voice. Mark quickly estimated the cost and gave her a possible removal date for next week. She spluttered that was perfect and he left promising to confirm later in the day. She moved nearer the window and watched him walk towards his car trying to ignore the fast beating of her heart and the still weakened knees and clammy hands. Oh boy, what she wouldn’t do to have a boyfriend like him, so handsome and alluring and his voice really made her feel dizzy.
Two hours later Mark text her mobile saying “all fixed and how about a drink tonight?” Naledi read it three times and sat down taking deep breaths to stop herself hyperventilating. Could this really be happening? She looked into the bathroom mirror and her eyes were blazing and her cheeks flushed like a silly teenager. After a strong coffee she text back her affirmative reply to Mark asking him to finalise arrangements for their date.
It truly was reciprocal ‘love at first sight’ and a whirlwind romance. Mark spent more time over the next three months at Naledi’s new flat than in his own rented apartment. It was such a blessing to them both as they shared the same interests, hopes and aspirations for life. Naledi’s 27th birthday was due on Christmas Eve and Mark arranged a special evening meal for the occasion at an Italian Restaurant in town. They shared a glass of dry Italian wine smiling at one another across the flicker of candlelight as their bruschetta starters arrived.
Mark placed a small package on the table and whispered “happy birthday darling.” Naledi removed the gold bow and unwrapped her gift. Her hand trembled as she took a velvet ring box from the package and paused to look into Mark’s eyes. He took the box from her, lifted the lid and whispered “will you marry me, my star Naledi” as he slipped the solitaire diamond on her wedding finger. She sparkled as tears of joy trickled onto her cheeks and laughing she nodded.
They married the following Spring with Naledi’s folks from South Africa over to enjoy the wedding, the full works with meringue dress and tiara. By May Naledi was expecting her first baby and little Chloe Dawn was born the following New Year’s Eve morning to complete the joy of her mummy and daddy. So much had happened, so quickly. It was amazing, it was a miracle, and Naledi offered a prayer of thanks for all her blessings.
739 words
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There is a lot of information in this story,with a lot of telling. Maybe it would be easier to take it all in if some of it was showing the action.
Keep on the writing!
Too much delivered too quickly; but, well worded along the way.
I think there were a few bits of punctuation missing here and there but they did not detract from the story that had me engaged... I was so hoping that there would be a happy ending and the guy in the BMW did not turn out to be another rapist and exploiter. this shows how much i had been drawn into the character and storyline