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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Walk (07/20/06)
The street sign directly opposite me flashed green for pedestrians to walk across and we all rushed forward hurrying to reach the park entrance on the other side of the street. For most people, the park provided a short-cut to get to the other side where office buildings were. Not paying much attention to the people around me except for the interruption of coat-covered arms brushing past me in a focused rush, I slowed my steps.

I was getting late for my once a week appointment at the old grey building. As I walked, I glanced down at my feet noticing how vibrant the colors were on the ground. It was quite cold but autumn leaves littered the walk-way creating a thick lush carpet of crunchy gold, red and brown. Letting my feet go deeper into the colorful carpet of leaves, I lingered on every step loving the sound of the dry leaves. Some people turned to stare at me, but I paid little attention to them.

Nearing the old grey building, I looked around me warily drawing the shabby coat closer to me. Stepping into the harshly lit dining hall from the wide open door, I made for my usual table taking care to walk close to the heaters built into the walls.
“Harry old chap – where’ve you been hidin’ your old self” -
I turned around to reply to the annoyingly cheerful greeting, yelling back a reply and waving in her direction. Mrs. Prouste always had a kind word to say to me. She always keeps back an extra slice of thick brown bread for me too.

I settled down on the hard bench nearer to the heaters to sip cautiously at my coffee the plate of two scrambled eggs, a sausage and three slices of soft brown bread within easy reach.
Resting my head next to the now empty plate on the table, sleep creeps up on me almost immediately. My feet ache from the long walk but I am happy because today, I will get shoes for the winter.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Steve Uppendahl
07/30/06
I think you have a great concept for a very good story. While 750 words is not much, I wish you would've used a few more than you did.

I am intrigued by the character, and you give solid descriptions giving the reader a good visual. But, there are things missing.

Give us some back story about this man. Give us some conflict, some more emotion. You've drawn me in, now keep me there.

You have a solid start here, keep going.