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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: BRUNCH (02/27/25)
If you would have asked Deirdre Cooper if she was a snooper, she would have indignantly exclaimed,
“Certainly not!”
Could she help it if she just casually noticed things—very interesting things? For instance, there was a very scandalous thing she saw while she sprinkled salt on her soft-boiled egg at Opal’s Cafe on 5th and Church streets.
The bell tinkled on the door and in walked this girl, in her teens, dressed in the flared knee-length skirt and blouse uniform issued by St. Marion’s Intermediate School, Deirdre’s alma mater.
I don’t believe any of us ever looked like that, the old woman marveled as the blouse hugged a set of curves far too old for a fifteen-year-old girl to own. She must be the new girl her granddaughter, Addison, had told her about when the school year began last September.
“That new girl Josie Carter,” Addie had said. “She keeps to herself. Bounces around different schools like a basketball and lives out on Fenimore Road. You know, all those old tract houses. Lives with her grandmother.
She’s got a picture of some guy in her school binder. Mitzi Freeland says she’s an ice queen, but I say dinnerent.”
Judging from the way the girl’s attention flitted from the menu in front of her to the window, she was expecting someone very important.
The bell tinkled again and in walked a dark-haired soldier in partial military dress wearing a faded baseball cap. The girl jumped up and bounced over to him, apologizing on the way for bumping other customers’ tables with her curvy hips.
They hugged half a second too long for Deirdre’s taste.
“Fast,” she harrumphed under her breath.
“You say somethin’, darlin’?” Opal asked as she maneuvered past Deirdre’s table with a fresh pot of coffee and a tray of hash browns.
“Nothing, Opal,” Deirdre replied. “Can I get a second cup when you come back? Heavy whipping cream, two sugars?”
“Sure thing, Mrs. Cooper.”
When Opal moved off, the girl and the soldier had disappeared off to a secluded corner booth. They talked and laughed and once Deirdre could have sworn she saw Josie toss her head, but perhaps it was a trick of the light.
She did her best to ignore them and finish her meal.
What were these young folks coming to nowadays? She mused while spreading jam on to a thick slice of wheat toast. Dating at her age and with a soldier that will leave her pregnant by summer’s end. She had grown up listening to all the gossip of the soldiers coming off bass on Saturday nights to “sow wild oats” until they returned to combat.
The plastic knife slipped and nicked the side of her fat thumb. She bit the edge of her tongue to keep from crying out and finally finished breakfast.
When she paid the check and gave Opal her usual tip, she pulled on her light cardigan, opened her purse, and put a handful of creamer packets inside.
I’m sure Opal won’t mind, the old woman thought but just in case, she slipped another five dollars onto the plate with the rest of the money.
Deirdre’s eyes roved to the back corner booth where the girl and soldier still sat talking. The man fiddled with his steak and eggs while Josie dabbed at her eyes with the corner of her napkin. He reached across the table and squeezed her hand. This didn’t do much because the girl let a few more tears fall.
Was he breaking things off? Deirdre wondered.
The bell announced another visitor.
Another man walked inside and marched to the soldier’s table.
“Lieutenant Brandon?”
The soldier rose to his feet and placed his napkin over his plate. The girl followed them out, biting her quivering lip.
Deirdre shamelessly pressed her pug-like nose to the window beside her, thanking God they were in her direct line of vision. She wanted a thorough report when she played cards with the girls on Saturday.
The man bent down and kissed the girl’s face and eyes before straightening up.
Such a young girl, Deirdre thought. You’d think her mother had the good sense to stop a child like that from running around with a man old enough to be her—
The girl waved as the men walked off. Deirdre saw the girl’s lips move as she said:
“Bye, daddy. Come home safe.”
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This article has been read 223 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Linda Lawrence 
03/06/25
Great story. Great ending. You just need to take advantage of the Preview option when submitting and catch the formatting and spell check issues. You don't want them to distract from your great writing.
Naoma Bird
03/06/25
A great story and ending. And a great lesson regarding not making assumptions or judgements on others when you don't know the person's whole story.
However, I would have liked to see more description of the way the people acted and reacted, rather than just telling the story.
GiGi Mezzio 
03/06/25
I liked the story. It teaches us not to be quick to pass judgment. The only thing I would fix is the formatting and spelling errors. Preview first before submitting. I have often previewed several times to check for errors.
Noel Mitaxa 
03/08/25
Para breaks would give us some catch up space make it easier to follow, but you have built the suspense with real timing and skill. Bless you as your writing ministry develops.