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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: END (06/09/22)
"Your dad's talking in there. He keeps asking if your mom can hear him. I think she might be awake."

I blinked the sleep out of my eyes to focus on my husband. The soft click of the door latch followed him into the room.

"What time is it?" I asked voice still husky with sleep.

"About six o'clock," he replied.

My lungs expanded as the air burned within. I can't cry. I forced the breath out slowly, evenly. Words came to my mind, "Breathe in through the nose, and out through the mouth." Waiting for the calm, I repeated them. Comforting words. Her words.

How long had I slept? Had I slept? My body felt heavy against the mattress; my eyelids were struggling to lift, yet all of my body seemed on heightened alert. Since yesterday I'd been waiting. Holding my breath. Now the time to exhale was near.

I heard the tap at the door and the words that followed, "It's time."

Immediately, I sprang out of bed and headed for her room. Her eyes were open, her face gray.

"Hey, Mama..." I cooed.

I covered her hand with mine, ignoring the cold that seeped into my palm. I squeezed gently.

"I love you, Mama."

Tears seeped from my eyes, the warmth of them running hot on my cheeks. Words ran away from my mind as I sought them. How could I express all this woman meant to me, had done for me?

"I love you so much, Mama." My voice caught in my throat, "I'm so glad God gave you to me."

"We should call your brother." The sound startled me, I forgot my dad was there.

I nodded. She had been so afraid to leave me and my brother. It didn't matter we were grown with lives of our own. She'd been a mother for so long; she didn't know how to be anything else.

I heard a dial tone behind me. Dad must have it on speaker. Ringing. My brother must have answered because my dad's voice drifted through the fog of my awareness explaining there might not be enough for my brother to get there before Mom left this earth, but he had to tell him just in case. Vaguely, I could hear my brother's voice saying he wouldn't be able to make it, but that he loved her. My eyes were trained on my mom's face.

Her eyes closed as he spoke.

I rested my head on her chest then. Her lungs gurgled as they sucked the last dregs of life from this world. I wrapped my arm around her abdomen, swollen with the growth that consumed her and sang.

"Pass me not, O gentle Savior. Hear my humble cry; While on others Thou art calling, do not pass me by..."

I took a deep breath and continued, "Savior, Savior, Hear my humble cry; While on others Thou art calling, do not pass me by."

My dad, having closed his conversation with my brother, leaned in on her other side. He stroked her arm and whispered in her ear, "Thank you for being a good and faithful wife. Thank you for all that you've done to serve us. Find rest, my Love. Take rest in the embrace of Jesus."

I heard the break in his voice, the ache for her already forming as her breaths came further apart.

Compelled, I pushed forward one more line, "Let me at Thy throne of mercy, find a sweet relief; Kneeling there in deep contrition, Help my unbelief."

I hummed as I listened to the jagged breaths, half-listening to the voice of my father speaking to her until, at last, it stopped.
Then it was still. Hushed. Holy.

And I knew her pain was finally over.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away.” Revelation 21:4 (NKJV)

(Pass Me Not, O Gentle Savior was written by Fanny Crosby and is in the Public Domain)
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This article has been read 336 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Shirlin Yesudhasan
06/16/22
so touched by this! my mom went to be with the Lord last year. God gave me the privilege of being with her for 2 weeks and restored our broken relationship. He helped me to help her with the journey to eternity. God let me witness a beautiful glorious smile after she passed away. Praising God for the ones who finishes the race in Christ!
Marlene MCPherson
06/16/22
This entry left me in tears. It is a very moving and relatable piece. A very beautiful end. Clearly the Lord was present. This piece deserves a place. Anyway the judges know best. My mother is now 94 and still sharp. I think I would like to be with her at her end just like you.
Art Fahy 
06/20/22
Your entry fit the topic well. Your approach to such a difficult situation was heart warming.

The dialogue between your characters was minimal but said plenty. Their grief was evident.

I found the beginning confusing and had to read it a few times. Maybe if you switch the first two sentences. Just a thought.

Thank you for your work. Keep writing.
Avigail David
06/22/22
Creatively engaging written work on topic, 'end'.

The imagery drew me close to each character's emotions and state of mind and soul. Good job at writing it!

Thank you! Blessings!