Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: COUNT (01/27/22)
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TITLE: A RUNNING TALLY | Previous Challenge Entry
By James Graham
01/29/22 -
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He found himself keeping a running tally
Of the ones he led to the Lord
It was something that he did
Hoping he was in God’s holy accord
Getting people saved became a contest
One a day became his ultimate goal
He began preaching on street corners
His sole purpose was to save a soul
Most people though he was crazy
Others looked at him with disdain
But it was something he had to do
Heaven he wanted people to attain
People ran when they saw him coming
Others slammed their door in his face
That didn’t stop him, not at all
What he was doing was in God’s grace
Then one day he stood before the Father
To recount his life’s deeds on Earth
The Father had a copy of his tally
Read their names and of their rebirth
His crown he received was tremendous
There were stones for everyone saved
His mansion, it was one of the best
On a street that was golden paved
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Blessings~
I'm wondering had you added or eliminate just a few words would it flow even more beautifully. Bearing in mind we can get away with so much more in rhyme than in pros.
e.g.
It was something that he "always' did (Add on)
Hoping it was God's accord.
People saved became his contest
One a day his ultimate goal
I think repeating 'became' twice in two flow on lines slows us down a bit.
Just an opinion of course and please disregard if not your thoughts too. Cheers.