Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: GENEROUS (10/14/21)
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TITLE: A Reward for Helpfulness | Previous Challenge Entry
By Marlene MCPherson
10/21/21 -
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“Ladies and gentlemen, we have eaten, we are filled and you have been privy to the décor. We have heard from friends who have been impressed with her work.
It is time for the artist and owner to share with us how she reached this milestone. Let us put our hands together as we welcome Marcia Elaine Hopewell to the microphone”.
All applauded. Grace, the host, continued.
“Marcia has been my friend for forty years and the fact that she is being celebrated tonight speaks to her consistent love and generosity. Marcia, take it away…”
Marcia moved gracefully to the lectern with her wine glass held high in her right hand. As she composed herself she placed the glass on the table nearby. She smiled and surveyed the gathering. A sweet hush pervaded the atmosphere as all watched her intently.
“Twenty-five years ago if you told me that I‘d be the owner of a designer’s house based on a stranger’s promise, especially an insurance salesman’s I would scoff at you!”. She paused as whispers and quiet laughter were audible. She continued.
“Let me give you the tale of how I got this home in the first place. My sister and her son visited me. In our discourse she revealed the need for my nephew’s birth certificate. Realizing the hassle and the long wait, I volunteered to get it for her.
I subsequently left Kingston to Spanish Town to the Registrar’s office. As usual, the office had a number of persons waiting to be served. There were the usual peddlers. Among them was a well-dressed gentleman in jacket and tie, with a briefcase in hand, moving calculatively from person to person. I observed that he was an Insurance salesman.
Afterwards he came to me. You know how they can talk”. She said, smilingly. “ as a banker, I listened, thinking you may never know. So after his pitch he asked:
“Which of the policies are you interested in?”
“None, I have insurance already”
“Alright”.
He did not move and quickly posed another question.
“What are you interested in?”
“Irritated, I heard myself say, I want a house!”
“Well, a house you want, a house you will get,” he said.
“He then told me that he was going through a divorce so he would be selling his house. He stood, and handed me his business card.
“Come to my office this afternoon for more information,” he said, then left.
“This was like music to my ears. I left the registry, telephoned my sister with the news and told her of my plans to visit his office. She agreed.
I went. He took me to the Building Society, introduced me to the Property agent and contractor then left. That was the last time I saw him.
Within three years, my home was constructed and beautifully decorated. It has been the showcase for my work in different homes in Canada, America and here in Jamaica.
The rest we normally say is history. I see this amazing experience as God’s providence. Thanks for your presence and your generosity, support and show of love.”
She retrieved her glass and with a dignified upward sweep of the hand said, “Cheers, I will always cherish this moment”
The applause was spontaneous. All were on their feet.
Grace returned to the lectern and motioned the guests to sit.
“We will close with this thought.” She took out the Bible and read:
“ Luke 6:38,(KJV) “Give and it shall be given unto you: good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.”
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.Footnote This is a true story.
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A stronger hook. Take out every possible passive verb and preplace it with active. This moves the story forward much faster and moves it from "telling to showing". Keep up the good work.