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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: TASTE (07/01/21)
Shannon laid in her hospital bed hoping today was the day she would be released. She had exceeded the time the doctors predicted she would be a patient. In her mind, eight days was enough.

Shannon had always been a healthy young woman until she kept having severe pain between her shoulder blades. Pleurisy played a role in how she felt as well. She doctored for a month until she was finally given a diagnosis.

Extensive testing was being done and she had traveled to Seattle for some special tests. It was nearly 7:00 when she arrived home from her long day of testing. The phone rang and her husband, Daniel, called out to her from the kitchen.

“Shannon, it’s for you! It’s Dr. Chang.”

Shannon caught her toe under the area rug in the living room and nearly fell from running towards the kitchen.

“Hello. Yes, this is she.” She was stunned in what she heard. Daniel could hear her say, “But can’t I go in the morning? It’s late.” As she hung up the phone, she broke down in tears. Daniel ran to his wife of twelve years. He drew her close to him to comfort her.

“So, what’s going on,” he asked.

“I need to go to St. Francis Hospital immediately. Those tests they took today – well, they found a blood clot in my left lung. Dr. Chang said there’s no time to waste.”

Daniel drew his wife even closer to him. What did all this mean? He was frightened but knew he had to be brave for her.

“Do you need to take anything with you? Or maybe I can bring things up to you when you know how long you’ll be there.”

Shannon was in a full-blown panic attack by then. Her speech was interrupted by sobs that cut like a knife through Daniel. This was his wife, his partner, his best friend.

Shannon and Daniel drove to the hospital in silence, each having their own thoughts of what was happening and what the outcome of it would be.

The frightened young woman was immediately admitted. Heparin was administered immediately by an injection in Shannon’s stomach. She endured these injections for eight days and she was ready for the taste of freedom. Freedom from her hospital bed, freedom from the daily injections, and just plain freedom to start living her life again.

Just then Dr. Chang walked in. He always looked so professional, wearing a white doctor’s coat which seemed so rare anymore. Shannon tried to read his face. Dr. Chang walked over to her bedside.

“Well, Shannon, looks like you’re going to get out of here today. I think the clot has been taken care of by the heparin injections. There will be a prescription for you to pick up at the pharmacy when you are released. You will be on that medication for some time to prevent another clot to form. Do you have any questions?”

“No, Dr. Chang. What time can I get out of here?”

“Your discharge papers will be ready in about an hour. The nurse will go over them with you and then you’re good to go.”

“Thank you so much, Dr.”

Shannon reached for the bedside phone nearly dropping it because her hands were trembling so.

“Daniel? I get to come home. I should be able to go in about an hour or so.”

As she raised herself up from her pillow-stacked bed, she prayed: “Thank you, Heavenly Father, for seeing me through this ordeal. Thank you for loving me and taking such good care of me. Help me to remember this time in the hospital so I might appreciate all that I have. In Jesus' precious name, I pray. Amen.”

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is a true story – my story.
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This article has been read 392 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Graham Keet 
07/09/21
As soon as I started reading your article I sensed this was a real-life story. You captured the feelings anyone in that situation would experience in those circumstance. Well done.
Avigail David
07/14/21
This is heart-breaking story. As I was read this, may Shannon (you) find healing and complete recovery in His wings and kindnesses.

Blessings of good health and God's protection of you all your days.
Janice Aylor
07/15/21
This is a well written story. I appreciate your writing it. Keep up the good work!
Arlene Baker
07/15/21
Ahhh... so much potential here. Also, because it is personal, you have great opportunity to put a reader "in your shoes." Learn to show, not tell. Don't tell the reader about the pain. Let the reader FEEL the pain. Don't tell the reader about the panic attack - Show the reader the panic. You want the reader to feel every emotion, so that when you end with the prayer of thankfulness, the reader feels thankful as well! God bless and thank you for sharing the experience!
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
07/16/21
You have an exciting story here. You have a fairly good beginning, but I think it might have been stronger if you started with the severe pain and shortness of breath. That would've pulled reader in faster. I like the idea behind your story but am concerned at some of the authenticity of some of the medical things. I get it's a true story, but some things don't seem right. Lung embolisms can be deadly quite quickly. Although she would have extreme pain, she'd also have a difficult time breathing, which seems strange that wasn't a focus. I do understand that not all doctors react the same way. I think if you had shown the pain and fear more, it would have felt realer to me. You do a great job of telling it, but I'd have loved to see you show it. Maybe she packs her husband's underwear by mistake, bites her nails, rocks back and forth on bed. Also instead of driving in silence, perhaps she could share f ears, give instructions on menial things, etc. The other thing I struggled with was the topic. Other than the title, it's not prevalent in the story at all. If you had shown how wonderful it was to be discharged and back home, then the topic would be more noticeable. You've done a lot of great things though too. You have conflict and suspense throughout the story. This is something anyone who has been in hospital or waited for a loved one can relate to. I loved your prayer. It felt passionate, real, and heartfelt. The ending made me smile and I enjoyed your clear message.