Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: TRAIL (05/13/21)
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TITLE: Did God Choose Your Career | Previous Challenge Entry
By Louis Detweiler
05/20/21 -
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The college student, Jason, asked Malvin, “Did God choose your career? Are we predestined before we are born?”
Malvin quickly responded with Romans 8:30 “And those he predestined, he also called, those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified. (NIV Study Bible). Clearly, God chooses us to perform our work for his mission in glorifying him in his kingdom. So, yes God can choose our path if we allow him to. You need to worry about what happens when you choose your own way and not follow God."
“I know for myself, becoming a Christian later in life, I didn’t ask God for direction when I was young like you. If I had asked God, “Show me your will for my life, and then obediently followed him, it would take a great step of faith and I would have been blessed. It still takes a great leap of faith to follow God. That is what following God is all about – having the courage to follow God where he leads us.”
Jason replied, “I know following God is right and wise. But I want a high paying job to pay for my college debt, pay for a car, save for a house, and date.”
Malvin responded with a quote from the Bible. "God will provide. If we follow God and obey him, we can be sure he will provide for us. Matthew 6:33 states “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well” (NIV Study Bible). That was a direct quote from Jesus. How can you argue with that?"
Jason answered, “I know doctors and engineers make more money than writers, which I think I’m called to be. I don’t want to waste my life living in a rundown house with a beat-up old car trying to be a writer. I know if I get a job as an engineer my family will have more income. In fact, in reality, only a few writers ever make a living as a writer. Engineers make a living easily working as an engineer. Doctors have it easy.”
Malvin looked Jason in the eye, “I worked hard to be an engineer and I did obtain a professional license. I thought I would be on easy street for the rest of my life. However, problems beset me my whole career. I would get a job and then the industry would give out. After I found work then then the contract would run out and I had to get another job. I found myself constantly looking for work every two or three years. I had no stability. Some engineers never buy houses but rent apartments so they can move easily to… the next job. So, besides constantly studying to keep up with new technology, I had to constantly work on my resume to keep employed."
"All of this moving was hard on my family. Many engineers opt out of the engineering field into another field that is more stable. One pays a price for stability and that is income. If one gets a job that is more stable it usually pays less. The only other option is to go back to school and get another degree or a higher degree. Many people have successfully completed the next higher degree and became more stable with a higher paying job. However, many go into debt trying to get the next degree and if they don’t make it, they are strapped with a debt in a worse position than when they started. Do you want to become a professional student?”
Jason asked, “How am I to decide what to do?”
Malvin responded, “Ask God to show you his will for your life. God has provided for my family and I seem to pay my bills. You must have faith. Pray for a decision and courage. Ask for guidance.”
Jason looked down at his feet, “It never hurts to pray. I will pray for guidance and direction.”
Malvin, “All I will have when I leave this world is my relationship to Christ. We are here for a purpose, don’t miss your calling.”
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I'd urge you to write everything that comes to mind and then go back and do a lot of tightening and editing. For example, I might edit beginning like this: In the foyer, after church, my friend Malvin was discussing career plans with college student, Jason.
Just those little tweaks removed about half of the words, but still set up the scene. The other thing is the dialog doesn't feel authentic. Don't be afraid to use body language and thoughts along with dialog.
For example: Jason shoved his hands in his pockets. "Do you think God should choose our careers?"
Malvin stroked his chin, pausing before answering. "Seems like there's a verse that might answer your question." He picked up his Bible, flipped through the pages, and said, "Ah, here it is. Roman's 8:30. 'And those he predestined... glorified.' What do you think that means? Should you pick a career that pays good or one where you can glorify God?"
That's just a quick example to show one way to make it feel more realistic. Having him use body language and read from Bible feels more natural to me, especially in a casual conversation.
I like the message and I think you've a great foundation built, it just needs some tweaking to make it more natural, body language to show emotions, and if you tighten it up and take out unnecessary words, it will leave you more words to show and not tell. I like the ending. It brings it full circle. Often people are drawn to stories when the kid (or underdog) comes to the right answer themselves with gentle guiding from the other MC. It can be more relatable that way. Your ending was a great message.
Powerful message, and on topic. I especially loved how you wrapped it up with this final line:
"Malvin, “All I will have when I leave this world is my relationship to Christ. We are here for a purpose, don’t miss your calling.”
Blessings~
From the you yourself as the main character, 'Malvin' or from Jason's perspective.
The reason I'm giving this advise is because I needed to go back a few times to see where 'you' fit in to the conversation before realizing you were repeating something you had overheard, which can complicate tenses/voice and points of view.
If I'm incorrect can another seasoned writer help me unwind my suggestion?
Again please let me reiterate, the foundation of your message was great.