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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: RECORD (04/22/21)
She had a record in God’s book longer than anyone else’s she was aware of. She had committed so many sins it was impossible to remember them all. She had tried to get rid of them by repenting and deciding not to do anything evil ever again. But of course it never worked.

She even tried going to church every week, thinking this would satisfy the Lord. She prayed every night, “Lord, please forgive me for all my sins, both past and present. Help me to never sin again, in Jesus’ name, Amen.” Even after all of this, she still felt empty and worthless inside. She was about ready to give up.

One day while she was on campus at the university where she was studying, another young lady approached her. The young lady said, “Hi. My name is Nancy. What’s your name?” The young lady who was about to give up said, “Hi, I’m Holly.” Nancy replied, “If you have a few minutes, I would like to tell you about the Lord who loves you more than you will ever know.” Holly looked up and said, “Have a seat, Nancy. I am waiting for a ride home, but she will not be here for at least an hour. Tell me about your loving Lord. I have been trying to find Him for a long time.”

Nancy explained to Holly the reason she felt so empty and alone was because she needed to accept Jesus into her heart and life by faith. Holly could never be good enough for the Lord to allow her into Heaven unless she received Christ. “Jesus is the only way to come to God”, Nancy told Holly. Holly replied to Nancy, “I am ready to accept Jesus right now. I am finished with my secret sins and I know Christ is real. I am prepared to pray and receive Jesus right now.”

Holly prayed out loud and received Christ while Nancy listened. After Holly finished her prayer, Nancy asked her, “How do you feel now?” Holly replied, “I know I am saved, since I asked Jesus to save me, and He did.”

Nancy explained to Holly what baptism was all about, and why she was supposed to follow the Lord in this ordinance of the church. After Holly spoke with Nancy’s pastor a few times, he felt she understood about baptism, and why it was important.

On the day of Holly’s baptism, the pastor explained to the congregation that baptism does not save anyone. It is a picture of Christ’s death, burial, and resurrection and shows everyone that the baptized believer identifies with Christ in His resurrection as well as His death and burial.

After the church service, Nancy and Holly went out to lunch. Holly said to Nancy, “It feels so good to be right with God, doesn’t it?” Nancy said, “Amen, Holly! Amen!”



*This story is fiction.
The opinions expressed by authors may not necessarily reflect the opinion of FaithWriters.com.
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This article has been read 355 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Linda Lawrence 
04/29/21
I like the concept of this piece, but the dialogue and the attitudes sound unrealistic to me. I think lots of self-editing could make this work. It could be worth the time and effort required.
Linda Lawrence 
04/29/21
OOPS. MY COMMENT ABOVE WAS MEANT FOR A DIFFERENT PIECE. Sorry. . .
Sue Botte 
04/30/21
I think your article describes most of the lives we lived before we made a choice for Jesus, thus salvation and a 180 degree turn.

However, with a bit more editing your article could be much more alive, and space your conversational sentences, for easy reading and following.

Keep writing.
Laura Manley
05/01/21
You covered the topic thoroughly. I agree with one of the other reviewers - you need to separate the conversations by spacing paragraphs. This is an important subject and I appreciate that it is one that was covered here.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/04/21
This is an awesome testimony story, even if it is fiction. I'd urge you to name the MC right away in first paragraph so reader can begin to connect with her. Introduce at least one conflict right away too. The old adage Show don't tell would be a perfect fit here. For example if I were to edit this, I might suggest something like this: Sighing, Holly covered her face with her hands and thought, No matter how hard I try, I keep sinning. I'm going to have the longest rap sheet in the history of the world. Once you introduce Nancy, the story really picks up, so I'd introduce her quite soon. You can sprinkle some of backstory into dialog. Dialog and body language and thoughts are great ways to Bring Your Writing to Life (a book by Amy Wiley FW member whose book is given free to those with an upgraded membership. It's a great tool. I still use it often.
You do have a great start on the dialog but it feels a bit stiff, but that's an easy fix. Listen to as many people as possible this week and jot down how they talk. It might go against everything you learned in high school, but it will sound more authentic. Use contractions, incomplete sentences, slang, casual discussion. You have a great start with the dialog, but now you just need to tweak it a bit. Remember to start a new paragraph each time someone different speaks or acts. Use body language to show feelings. If she's anxious, she might twirl her hair, nibble her nails, fidget in seat, crack knuckles, lick lips. If she's frustrated a good eye roll can show that along with tossing hands in air or sighing. You have an excellent foundation on which to build. I found myself drawn to both characters. You did a nice job of writing on topic without overusing topic word. You have a strong clear message too. I can feel the passion in your words. God has given you an awesome gift and will use your words to reach out to others.