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By Jacqueline Julyan
02/25/21
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There was one road sign I could never forget; it was a red circle with a wide bold white line through the middle.

Whilst taking my cycling proficiency test at the age of ten I remembered every road sign except ‘No Entry’. It turned out to be a prophetic sign in my life, in ways beyond what I thought.

The control my parents executed upon my life led me into a life of deep-seated fears of both men and women, even of life itself. Emotionally I could not breathe, in fact I used to have constant nightmares at this tender age of ten where I was drowning and surrounded by many sharks. These sharks were devouring me, taking huge chunks of my flesh, yet I did not die.

These sharks represented my parents and all those around me. I was the scapegoat to all the lusts of their flesh; they had no idea the effects of this abuse were to have upon my life. Even if I had placed the ‘No Entry’ sign on my bedroom door it would have made no difference whatsoever.

Growing up from a child into adulthood I allowed many people to trespass against me, I was alone, vulnerable and an easy target; I lived in constant fear.

Many years later at the age of thirty-eight I remember hearing these venomous words out of my mother’s mouth,

“You are so easy to control Jacky.”

The shock was the depth of her tone and her hatred towards me, but as I took in these words my first thoughts were,

“Why would you want to control me?”

I was still standing as that same vulnerable child at thirty-eight as though I was ten years old, and locked were memories of my childhood abuse.

I gave my life to Jesus Christ when I was twenty-four, I was married and had just given birth to my daughter, the pattern of my life continued; I was unloved and controlled by my husband to the point of nervous exhaustion.

Then quietly one day I heard the voice of Jesus,

“I am the Way, the Truth and the Life”

This voice was so vastly different, gentle with a peace and stillness I had never known before. I cried out from my heart yearning to understand.

“What do you mean Jesus?”

Thirty years later Jesus has made all things so plain and clear. Healing came upon His Wings and slowly His perfect love is driving out all my fears just as He promised.

I know I am loved beyond measure by the Good Shepherd and I rest whilst He is binding up all my wounds, continuing to heal my broken heart. I rest in the wonderful truth of who Jesus is and who was and who is to come. Jesus has taught me that love never bypasses personal boundaries.

There is no such sign named ‘No Entry’ with Jesus. He welcomed me; He welcomes you. Jesus is the perfect gentleman and respects personal boundaries for He has no need to control. Control is about fear not love; God is Love. His Word is true, He is true and the LORD is a refuge for the oppressed a stronghold for the afflicted.

Troubles come and go but I run to the Jesus who welcomes me with open arms, arms of love. He wipes my tears away and gives me His peace that passes all understanding which guards my heart and mind.

For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son that whosoever believes upon Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

(WORD COUNT 600)

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