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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Trees (12/05/05)
TREES







A small, brown, brick row house on Christmas Eve was filled with the joy of seven little children. A hand made fireplace covered with red brick paper over boxes that their Mother designed. A silver angel spun around tinkling over a small candle flame.
Little faces peered out that early eve hoping Dad would return before Santa arrived. Mother reassured them he’d make it back. Concerned herself, she peered out the front door head turning right and left as the blinding snow kept her vision at a minimal. She quickly closed the door not allowing the children to see her worried look. Then she turned the small knob on the radio higher. “O’Come all ye faithful” rang loudly and the children sang along.
The reason Mother worried was they had not much money that year for a tree. Her husband waited until Christmas Eve to find enough branches left over from tree sales and gather them together to decorate. It would break the children’s hearts not to have a tree. They did without so many other things during the year.
It began to get dark outside, the children hung up their socks along the handmade fireplace then cuddled on the big sofa to wait.
Mother was about to call for help, thinking Dad was stuck somewhere in the snow, but suddenly the front door opened. In came Dad, in his long grey coat dusted with snow, dragging behind a TREE...A beautiful 9 foot Spruce. All 8 of the kids jumped gleefully off the couch. The aroma of pine tantalized that small house as Mother filled a bucket with cinders from the coal furnace to place the trunk of the tree in. It reached the ceiling, but enough room for a star.
That wonderful, beautiful tree made that small living room come to life. What a glorious sight watching the children help trim the tree.
“How did you manage to get such a tree?” Mother asked her husband.
“This was outside a large store just decorated with lights”, he began. “I just came at the right time when the owner saw me looking around. He asked me what I was searching for. I told him branches, pine branches to gather enough to make it somewhat a tree for our children. Then he told me he was closing the store but I could have this one he displayed outside . I helped him take the lights off, and did a few chores for him so he could get home to his family. He gave me the tree for helping him. So, here it is, my wonderful family!”
Hot chocolate, homemade cookies was next on the menu.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Brandi Roberts
12/12/05
A sweet story. With some spacing and a little tightening this would be a wonderful entry for a Christmas anthology! Thanks for sharing!
Kris St. James
12/12/05
This is a nice story, but it ends a little weak. I didn't feel "satisfied" when everything come to a close. It was also a tiny bit confusing about the writer's perspective when you referred to Dad in some places and "her husband" in another. But the last line really should be omitted or re-written--it just detracts from the "WOW--WE GOT A TREE!!", which is really what the story is about, IMO.
Jan Ackerson
12/14/05
This is very tender. Edit a bit, and it'd be a great children's story.

One of the edits that you might consider is the angel that tinkles on a candle. LOL!

I love stories about large, close-knit families. This is precious.