His Loving Arms | Previous Challenge Entry

how it works

TITLE: His Loving Arms | Previous Challenge Entry
By Joanna Lynn
03/11/15
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The day started out so well and I was feeling really great. I had reached out to an old friend with whom I hadn't spoken for a while and I was looking forward to reconnecting. I was just about to go work out in my basement when I decided to check my e-mail to see if she had written back. In that instant, my whole world changed.

I hoped I had misunderstood. I hoped she was lying. I wished I hadn't opened my e-mail. But I hadn't misunderstood, she wasn't lying and I HAD opened my e-mail. My "friend" told me that she and my husband had betrayed her husband and me. The e-mail was full of reasons and excuses with blame pointed more on my husband than on her. It was everything I didn't need or want to hear. I was crushed and it was like an out of body experience. I was in a fog and I had gone numb.

My husband was on his way back from being out of town over the weekend and he said his phone was dying, so we couldn't talk until he got home at 1:00 am. We went for an hour-long walk and I heard the same kind of message she had given me but in reverse. He had also had some issues in his life that he tried to throw in as a reason as well. I couldn't listen anymore. We went back home and he slept on the couch.

The next day, after I woke from a fitful sleep, I remember going into the kitchen and putting together medicines and vitamins for my children when I was assaulted with the crushing thought that I couldn't face this nightmare. It was more than I could bear. I turned to the cabinet and made a quick perusal of the medicines. I realized there were enough drugs right there to end it all very quickly.

I became lightheaded and I laid my arm and head on the counter to steady myself and tried to breathe. I cried out to God. I told Him I was at a breaking point, I didn't know how I was going to survive and didn't know if I even wanted to live.

In an instant, I got a very clear picture of Jesus coming up beside me and enveloping me in His arms. I could almost feel Him holding me. I felt so safe and loved. I felt the burden that was crushing me ease. God showed me that day that He was with me and He loved me. I knew I wasn’t alone. He gave me hope when I had reached a point of hopelessness.

Unfortunately, life only got worse after the encounter with God. My husband ended his life four days after I found out about his betrayal. In the months and years that followed, I discovered an entirely different life he had lived. I slipped into clinical depression and I couldn't think straight for 2.5 years. There was just too much. I sought counseling for my children and myself and I went on several medicines to help clear my brain. Living life in a fog was hard, especially when trying to be the only parent to two children, but I kept trying to move forward even though there were days that I literally had to remind myself to breathe.

Now, it has been over five years since I opened that e-mail. It's been anything but easy, but I have seen God intervene and felt Him guide me so many times. I never had the feeling of utter hopelessness again. He was and is my Hope. When times came where I felt like I was trapped and didn't know what to do, I remembered those Arms that held me tight. I am, slowly but surely, beginning my life again. I know God has a future for me and I cling to the knowledge that He is still holding me tightly in His arms.

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