Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Predicament (03/01/12)
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TITLE: Closer Than A Brother | Previous Challenge Entry
By darlene thompson
03/07/12 -
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My mother dried my tears and wiped away the blood from my face. As Robert explained how the dogs foamed at the mouth, my mother saw the dogs running down the road toward the Alt's residence. She telephoned them. When the dogs arrived, Mr. Alt shot and killed them. Their bodies were taken for a medical evaluation.
My parents rushed me to the doctor. I began a series of painful rabies shots. A few days later, the medical evaluation proved the dogs had rabies.
This predictment taught me two valuable lessons. First, be careful around all animals and secondly, there is a "friend that sticks closer than a brother."
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I wondered about some of the facts, the dogs seemed friendly at first but I thought rabid dogs would show odd behavior immediately. Also though Louie Pasteur did some work with rabies in the early 1900s, the modern treatment wasn't developed until the late 60s and early 70s. This would definitely show how God watched over the MC. Including some of these details would give your story even more umph.
You may also want to break the story down into small paragraphs and double space between them to give the reader that white space.
If this is a true story, there is no doubt God was with you that day. I was almost killed by a dog when I was little and still have a fear of them today. I also really like your message about being cautious around all animals.
Good job of keeping the readers involved while biting their lips.
Thank you...and, if this is a true story. Glad you are okay to speak about it years later. Glory to God for helping you.
God Bless~