Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: Where Angels Fear to Tread (not about the book) (09/08/11)
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TITLE: Angels, Witches, and One Halloween Party | Previous Challenge Entry
By V. Joy Ocasio
09/15/11 -
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I chew on my lip like I always do when I’m nervous. “I’m just worried about you, Kara. Ever since you joined that sorority, you’ve been different. Wicca is…”
“It’s what?” Kara snaps. “It’s evil, right? That’s what you keep saying to me. It’s evil. It’s not of God. It’s the work of the devil. First of all, I don’t believe in God. Second, it’s none of your darn business!”
“I’m just worried about you. It’s dangerous.” I feebly defend myself to the floor.
“You have no reason to be worried. It’s safe. Maybe if you came with me to one of our meetings you’d see that.” She says this with a hard glint in her leafy green eyes. “After all, I did come with you to church.”
“I can’t go with you.” I say to my hands. I really like the shade of red I painted my nails. It’s pretty. Maybe I should go with black next time. I look back up at Kara. Then again, maybe not. I’ve had enough of the dark forces.
“Just come to our Halloween party tonight then. The girls are all really excited about this. It’s a witch’s New Year. The night our powers are at their greatest.” Kara is now standing in front of the mirror holding a slinky black dress in front of her. “I brought this for the party. Isn’t it hot?”
“Let me guess. You’re going as a witch?” I say dryly.
“Funny. I’ll make a deal with you, Erynn.” Kara says as she sits down on the bed beside me. “You come to the party tonight and meet the others.” I open my mouth to object, but she holds up her hand to stop me. “You come, look around, and then we’ll talk. If you still think its evil, then I’ll go back to church.”
I can feel my face squinting in confusion. “You’ll stop going to your Wicca meetings?”
“No. I’ll go to both. This way I’ll see whose God is more powerful. Agreed?” She sticks out her hand to shake on it.
I look at her outstretched hand. I know, I KNOW, this is a bad idea. My very spirit is screaming no, pounding on my heart like a prisoner who is begging to be free. But if I do go, Kara will start coming to church again, because my opinion on Wicca is NOT going to change.
So I shake hands. I feel like I’m making a deal with the devil.
Or rather the devil’s assistant.
Two hours later, Kara is dragging me through a sorority house decked out in the traditional Halloween décor.
Everyone is dressed in black, but aside from that, it looks like a normal Halloween party.
This is the place where angels fear to tread?
Kara forcibly stops me in front of a tall, willowy girl. “Erynn, this is Willow.” Fitting. “She has the most experience in Wicca.”
“They call me the Head Witch.” Willow says to me.
Comforting.
“Kara tells me that you’re a religious nut. Wicca is very religious.” Wow, this girl does not waste any time.
“I’m a Christian. I believe in God.” I say.
She raises her eyebrows at me. “Most Christians are too scared to come near us. I think they’re worried that we’ll cast a spell on them.”
“My God is stronger than any spell you could put on me.” I look directly at her as I say this. I’m surprised at my tone. It’s brave. Confident. “I was scared to come here. But my God overcame my fear, because my God is not afraid to tread here. He WILL show you Who’s boss.”
Willow gives me a hard, menacing look, and she’s muttering words under her breath.
I do believe I am no longer welcome here.
“Kara, let’s go. We’re late.” I say turning from the fuming Willow.
Now it’s my turn to do the dragging around. Kara is too stunned and confused to resist, so she just follows me. “We’re late for what?”
“Church.” I say. “There’s a service tonight. And we're going.”
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Fantastic ending...Witty and full of truths.
God Bless~
I can see you are trying to do more showing then telling. You are doing a good job but just by leaving out a few words will tighten your sentences up. For example in this sentence: She says this with a hard glint in her leafy green eyes. It would be a stronger sentence by replacing the words: "She says this with" with "I notice" or "I shiver at the".
You did a great job with a fresh take on the topic. Your dialog is inspiring and you captured the essence of watching out for friends.