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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 2 – Intermediate)
Topic: The Family Home (05/29/08)
Home is Where the family Is

“Family is important to God!” the bearded rabbi declared in a firm voice. “ He will take care of our family, even in here!” Esrah looked at the bedraggled group who had trusted him to keep them safe from the treacherous secret police unit that was looking for them just because they were Jews. As one, they nodded. All around the cave the family members sat, leaned, and kneeled in various positions waiting for God to protect them. But as time passed, He seemed to be silent.

Since his childhood Grandfather had known about the cave, its entrance now hidden from sight by a thorn bush. It had been their refuge for two days now. No one knew how much longer God would allow them to stay before they would be forced to find another hiding place. .Remnants of their simple meals lay in the far corner. Each had only the clothes on his back. Sleeping arrangements had been minimal, a few blankets tossed over their shoulders as they had rushed away from the only home they had ever known.

On the far end of the darkened cave stood Esrah’s daughter Hannah with her twin sons, Avi and Arik, Their arms were crossed as if they were looking for a fight. “We can take care of ourselves!” They stated defiantly. Their mother withered at the comment, shaking her head as she covered her face with her hands.

Nava, Hannah’s younger sister, glared at the teenagers disdainfully. Holding Mica, her newborn daughter closely, she muttered to her mother, “Self-centered children. Whoever asked them to come with us anyway?”

With kindly eyes and an understanding spirit, Rachel, Esrah’s wife, responded, “Children, yes, but children of God, my dear. Have patience. God is working.” Her white hair bounced as she nodded her head. “Life is a good teacher.”

Hannah’s other children were restless. Rikva poked at five-year-old Shay to get her attention. She mouthed, “You’re it!” with a playful glint in her eye as a silent game of tag ensued between the two sisters bringing smiles to the adults’ faces.

In another part of the cave, ten-year-old Moshe drew circles in the dust while his nine-year-old cousin Saul moved his finger through each one writing a letter to match the names of the people in the cave. The circles were intertwined, like the family.

Next to Esrah his youngest grandson Aaron had quietly begun to hum a tune, something he had learned at a recent praise meeting of the Messianic community. Barely above a whisper, the quiet melody of “Hallelujah” filled the darkened space as the rest of the family swayed back and forth to the music. It reminded them of God’s presence in even this perilous moment. Then Grandfather put up his hand to indicate quiet.

Hearing the footsteps outside, Hannah’s brother Uri grasped at the collar of his son Roi, giving him a warning glance that said, “Don’t say a word!” Roi’s eyes blinked his understanding. All the others pushed their bodies back against the damp walls of the cave, waiting to see what would happen. They could all hear the voices clearly.

“Commander,” shouted the excited voice, “I see footprints here by this small cleft!”

Fear crossed the eyes of each family member as they anticipated the end.

There was a shuffling of many feet near the small opening to the cave. Then the commander shouted derisively,. “Fool! See that spider web? Nothing could enter there and not pull it down. The footprints only prove they must have passed this way. We must hurry. It’s getting dark.” After a short pause, the company of men moved on past the cave’s opening.

After a long wait, Esrah and Rachel and the rest of the family peeked out; they looked in awe at the small spider web which had saved their lives. Each smiled at the other as they realized how God had taken care of this temporary family home through one of his small creations, because as Grandfather Esrah reminded them, “Families are important to Him.”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Joshua Janoski
06/06/08
My mother used to babysit for a Messianic Jewish church, and the church family would often gather together much like this family did.

I really liked the part where they sang together, and the spider web was a nice touch. I wondered how they would escape the guards.

Good job with this! Keep on writing.
Lollie Hofer 
06/07/08
Home is indeed where the family is, even in a dreary cave. I enjoyed the intrigue and mystery of the story. Just one small suggestion - you might want to proofread your stories several times before submitting. Overall, it was a very entertaining read. Was this something from your background or a relatives background perhaps? If not, very imaginative.
Gregory Kane
06/07/08
You certainly brought out the tensions inherent in this scenario – a hearty mixture of hope, fear and praise. You might like to consider reducing the number of characters you introduce so as to allow to give a little more space to the others – always a challenge with that 750 word limit.
Marilyn Schnepp 
06/11/08
You have renovataed an old, ancient folklore story with names, faces and real family members that make it much more personable and true to life. A great read and I thoroughly enjoyed it! Nicely done.