The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
05/02/08
As I've read through all these entries, I am amazed and disheartened by how many of the writers grew up with less than perfect mothers and I think God the one he gave to me! Your words broke my heart. This was a very well written portrait of disappointment.
05/04/08
Extremely poignant. I was so captured by each mini-scene showing the covering of the other children that I didn't really need the closing part where you defended your mom--that seemed like another essay to me. I think you could have ended with "Rivers ran down my face, and I don’t know if it’s rain or tears." Powerful words encapsulating all your dashed hopes and dreams.
Wow! So much packed into here, emotion, description and heartfelt everything! I enjoyed the read, especially the short snippets of each child and mother/maid as they stepped out from the bus and someone waited with an umbrella for them. This was such a good description, the ending was sad, but good. Nice job. ^_^
05/08/08
Very gripping indeed! I like the refrain, Will my mother be there? It is a good hook to keep the readers attention. the ending is very appropriate. It leaves the question: will she be a good mother? hanging in the reader's mind!
05/10/08
This was such a bitter-sweet story. I enjoyed reading the little snippets about each child getting off the bus, and yet, knowing what was coming for the little one who got off last. Very well written.