Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: JAM (02/09/17)
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TITLE: Blueberries and Granny | Previous Challenge Entry
By Nancy Schneider
02/16/17 -
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I helped my Grandmother pick blueberries and make jam every Summer season. It was our special time and how I learned from Granny Fannie. My, how all us kids laughed when someone said her name. Granny took it all in great fun.
On this particular day, the childhood memories were from my mind. I had recently experienced the tragic loss of my husband. It left me empty and without purpose. The only time I had any comfort was in Granny's presence.
We had just completed picking and were mixing the ingredients for the jam. Granny asked, "Have I ever told you how blueberries changed my life?"
"Blueberries changed your life? I've got to hear this."
"A long time ago, I was in love with a wonderful man."
"Granddaddy was a wonderful man.,
"Your Grandfather was an extraordinary man. We'll get to him."
"Okay, Granny."
"I grew up with this boy. His name was Steven. We lived on neighboring farms. I first picked blueberries with him. Our fingers and mouths would be purple by the time we got home." I could see pain cross her face. "When I was 17 and Steve was 19, he enlisted because he hated what Hitler was doing. He never came home."
"Oh, Granny, I am so sorry!"
"We were married a week before he left for the war. He never knew I was carrying his child."
I laid my hands over Granny's wrinkled ones and rubbed gently.
"Long time ago, child. He just fills one of those pieces of my heart." She smiled tenderly. "I was terrified. I went and worked at the factory. It was up to the women since all the able-bodied men were gone. I never told my boss I was pregnant. He found out the day I fainted dead away on the production floor. My boss rushed over, I was told later, worried and concerned. I came to thinking for sure he was going to fire me."
"What happened?"
"He took me to his office and gave me water and blueberries. The waterworks started when I seen that bowl of fruit. The whole story came out and I felt like a blithering idiot."
"He sounded like a nice man. Did he fire you?"
"No, he married me. Of course, that came later. Your Granddaddy helped save my life." She chuckled.
I was still holding her hands, transfixed by this part of her life I never knew.
She continued, "He told me about the nutrients in a blueberry. He said they help the heart, reduce blood pressure and the seeds are packed with vitamins. He asked if I was taking mine daily and watering my garden with kindness, love, accepting help, and more importantly, seeking God. God wanted to water my garden with His tears. He felt my pain.
He planted the very seed I needed to walk through the darkness. I finally felt hope."
That is what I felt in that moment.
Granny smiled. "Want a blueberry?"
I popped one in my mouth.
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The only suggestion... I would reference in the conversation who is speaking, like you did when you said "she said."
I had to re-read it a couple of times to figure out, who was saying what to whom.
Your story reminded me of the times I spent with my grand-ma. Nice memory. Great job!
Well done,
Blessings~
Your writing is focused and tight- I like that very much. I followed your dialogue ok, but the sentence "That is what I felt in that moment," confused me a little. I had to reread a couple paragraphs to get it. My suggestion would be to consider adding dialogue from the MC to Granny instead. A quote that would express the same sentiment & pivotal moment for the MC as the original statement. Keep writing!
I noticed at least one fragment in your piece but it did fit in but should be fixed.
I also saw a problem with this verb phrase "when I seen that" in one of your sentences. It was a little distracting as I read through the sentence.
I like how you illustrated how God's providence can intervene at unexpected times and ways.
Nice story. (Also a fragment.)
You have a wonderful storytelling ability.
I agree that it was sometimes difficult to tell who was speaking, but you don't always need to use tags like he said or she said to clarify. I urge you to read the first two entries in the Editors Choice awards this week (Jan Ackerson and Ann Grover).
Excellent! The message, the tone, the content and the style are all superb. The article will, certainly, minister to minister to many hearts.