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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: TALKATIVE (09/08/16)
My flight was blinking at me from the scheduled flights board; delayed 1 hour because of the weather. I had to laugh at myself or exhausted tears would flow. Just a few hours ago I rushed to pull together all my stuff and get ready to catch this flight. Now sinking down into an empty chair and closing my eyes, I reflected on the reason why I was here this morning. Last night, sinking into bed early because I had been running ragged the last few days, working double shifts for a few dollars more in my paycheck. I remember just drifting off into sleep when the familiar sound of my cell phone demanded that I pick it up. From across the country, in Boston, my sister was calling me. I could tell fom her muffled sobs she was going to say what I did not want to hear. "Mommy" she whimpered, "Mommy's with Jesus". I was paralized. I don't even remember anything else being said. I stumbled to my pc with a tearful prayer on my lips. "Jesus, please get me on a plane and help me to rest in your love for us". I snagged this flight out of LA, that had one remaining seat available.
Drifting off into a light rest I was poked on the shouder and brought out of my reverie. A small fragile looking woman asked if she could sit next to me. Pulling my bag off the seat I mumbled back to her, "of course". "I'm flying to Providence to see my family, have you ever been there?" she questioned and continued before I could answer, "I grew up there". She went on about various things in her personal life while I endured the monologue; smiling and nodding so as not to appear as disinterested as I was. Suddenly our flight was boarding and I found myself relieved at the thought of parting company with this little chatterbox. Finding a window seat I stowed my bag and grabbed the blanket provided by the airline. Snuggling down I prepared to sleep. However, my hopes for a quiet few hours were dashed with a familiar poke on my shoulder and the movement of the small body lowering into the seat next to me. "O, isn't it nice that we can sit together on our flight"? she beamed. With a sigh I straightened up and nodded my head. Resigned to endure yet more words from this stranger, I absently rubbed my temples trying to avert a headache that was coming on. She noticed and immediately became concerned for any distress I was experiencing. For a brief moment I sensed my own dear mother's heart. She always put us children ahead of herself whenever she thought we needed some kind of comfort. This little woman put her hand on me and asked if something was wrong? I couldn't hold back the rising flood of grief and just let it roll over the both of us. With tears in her eyes she listened as I told her of losing my mom and not having the chance to say "I love you" one more time. She was quiet for a few moments then told me of her loss. She had a daughter about my age who passed not more than a month ago. She whispered that she was going to Providence to be in a elder care home near her son. She was very close to her daughter and told me that she was feeling quite low till she saw me. She said, "Jesus answered my prayer". "What prayer was that"? I asked. She answered, "well, I didn't know till I saw you. But Jesus knows the deep down things and answers them." "I know now, I needed to see someone like you and have a little talk together and may even a little hug for each other." She took a deep breath, "what do you think"? she asked timidly. " It could be kinda like from your mom and my daughter There were no words that could express what was in my heart; only a hug would do.
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This article has been read 447 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Joy Bach 
09/16/16
This is great. And very believable. Just a suggestion. Leave white space between paragraphs. That makes it easier to read. Good job.
Larry Whittington
09/17/16
There could have been some paragraphs separating the conversation but this piece contained an example of how God can guide a situation and provide a situation producing God's will to be done.

Nice ending.
Karina Heng
09/17/16
You start strong with details that make the reader ask why. Dialogue also carries the story along. Paragraphing would help the reader pace. Avoiding repeating words like "sinking" and in the middle you have a series of sentences that all begin with "I" and further down with "She". Unless it was deliberate for an effect. You may want to let the reader draw the conclusion that the lady was talkative rather than state she was a chatterbox. Readers appreciate endings where humans connect. Christian writers also provide hope in their stories. This would comfort and renew others.
C D Swanson 
09/19/16
Oh how this lovely story touched my heart and made it smile!

Beautifully written, lovely lovely lovely.

God bless~
Loni Bowden-Horn 
09/20/16
This story was beautifully written and touched my heart.

I believe the first sentence needs to be written. It sounds as if the flight is blinking and not the lights of the flight board.

The number one should be spelled out.

White space between paragraphs would have made the story easier to read.

You are a gifted story teller.

Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
09/21/16
Congratulations on ranking 2nd in your level and 17 overall. The highest rankings can be found on the message boards.