Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: I SURRENDER ALL (to God) (don’t write about the song) (05/07/15)
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TITLE: "I Surrender All" | Previous Challenge Entry
By Edward J. McCoul
05/08/15 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Take my senses they are yours
Take my hands for your chores.
My feet are for spreading good news.
I gain in Christ the more self I loose!
Make my life a living love-sacrifice.
I give to You joyfully without strife.
Anoint me with all-consuming love
Blessing me in the form of a Dove!
I want to be a yielded vessel for You.
Light my path with blessed things to do.
I pick up my cross and live Your way
Giving of myself willingly day after day!
It is no longer I who in this body lives.
It is Christ who true life to me He gives.
As You surrendered your life for the world,
Let my surrendered life in You be unfurled!
In the Garden Adam and Eve had it all.
You had to give Your all after their fall.
You are the New Adam, God's Son.
In You we who surrender all are One!
I surrender all for you, My God, My Lord!
I am Your child. I lay down my sword.
I die to self daily so You may live in me.
Thank You for dying and making me free!
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You've got some good rhymes in here, such as "world" and "unfurled." There really aren't any major problems with this. In the future, I'd challenge you to take your rhyming one step further. Try to get away a bit from the most obvious rhymes. Love and dove, way and day, etc. Not that I'M really one to talk, as I tend to use those basic rhymes all too often. But you've already proven that you can go beyond, so I'd challenge you to do so a bit more!
Strife and sacrifice is a most excellent rhyme. I like that one. :) Great job with this.