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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write for the SUSPENSE and/or THRILLER Genre (10/23/14)
I love walking along an empty promenade on a stormy night, watching the waves explode against the shore. Unfortunately,not tonight. Woolie, my old English sheep dog, bolted as soon as I opened the front door when he heard the thunder. He stampeded towards the nature reserve. I got home after 14 exhausting hours, For 20 frustrating minutes he keeps disappearing and reappearing like a ghost-like blimp on my radar. I know he is ahead as he keeps turning and ensuring I am following: he is enjoying this, this wretched dog. When I get my hands on you, I will... do nothing like usual, just be glad he is safe. My concern is the sea; he has no danger sense and would try swimming and I don't want to think of that. Heavens above, look at those waves! The sea is really fierce tonight with spectacular white horses, the noise of them charging in is really deafening. Normally, I can just relax in the presence of such power, knowing that I am safely entrenched on solid ground, secure behind the sea defences. But not tonight; my scream is lost in the storm as time freezes

Woolie! Woolie! Get back! NO! NO! NO!

I see my beloved 5 year old family pet being thrown about and crushed in the waves. My heart breaks and I sprint to the water's edge but can't see him now. He is gone. Gone. The tears stream down my face.

The cold numbs me further, I just can't move. How do I go home and tell my children Woolie is Dead?

Eventually, I move my heartbroken shell and start home. Woolie was my only companion since the children started boarding school and my wife went to meet her Lord two years ago.

The storm has really moved up a gear, but I don't even care. Let it take this pain from me...

Ow! What a way to be brought back to present! Whatever that was, it really hurt. Looking around, the wind is cannonading sand particles straight into my face and eyes.

I push on, fighting the buffeting gale, staggering like a drunkard; must telephone children about Woo..., must tell someone... God, why did you take my wife?

That wind is really messing with my head... thought I could hear something weird just now, but looking around all I notice is a lone seagull. There it goes again. But nothing! Totally alone.

Realising where I am, I stop in my tracks. I never go this way. I see ahead that cursed tree of my youth. I fell out of it and broke my leg in 3 places. That tree and I have major history, it even has my name inscribed on it. Next holidays, I think this tree and my kids should meet each other. It's been years but it still reminds me of a band of evil gargoyles. The branches are gnarled and twisted, and now, with hardly any leaves, look more menacing than normal. The tree sits as a sentry, beckoning me with its branches, calling me to my doom. That tree was one of the reasons I went into forestry.

'Just stop it! You're a 36 year old man in reasonable fitness. Stop letting your fears take over, trees do not hold grudges.'

Hear that noise! It's closer this time, but still sounds like a howl of the wind.

Passing the tree I gaze up, you're not that scary, are you?

###### my head.........

Woolie, stop it! Woolie, I said stop it! Stop licking my face. Wait... Woolie?... My Woolie?

I slowly come around as an excruciating pain radiates through my head. A lady is holding Woolie by the collar.

“Thought you were a goner there! One of the branches from the tree must have whipped around in the storm and nearly cleaved your head off your shoulders. Have called the ambulance, it should be here in a few minutes. You're one lucky man: I found your dog, drenched, shivering and totally lost on the beech. It would not leave here till it found you. We found you on the ground, unconscious.”

Holding Woolie, I can't stop crying, this time for joy. Looks like we both had a guardian angel protecting us.
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This article has been read 801 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
C D Swanson 
10/30/14
Awwww. So glad for the happy ending. I was upset when the the MC's dog went into the ocean...I was hoping for my happy ending. I'm such a mushy individual, and love happy endings. Thanks for this one!

Good job.

God bless~
Nancy Sullivan 
11/01/14
A raging ocean is the perfect setting for a mystery. This dog lover can certainly appreciate your anxiety over your loyal sidekick. Great job!
Shelley Ledfors
11/01/14
The storm and sea provided some great mood for this piece. I liked the happy ending.
Toni Babcock 
11/02/14
I too love the melancholy dark mood of this piece. And the confused state of mind made your MC believable and endeared him to the reader. Thanks for sharing your creative work with us!
Ellen Carr 
11/02/14
Your desciptive writing is great in this piece. I could almost feel the wind and stormy weather. I liked the happy ending too.
Judith Gayle Smith-Owens Vitouswykegardinerclark
11/06/14
Powerful imagery! You have a wondrous gift!
Hugs, Judi
1 Timothy 3:16 KJV
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
11/07/14
You have a really good idea here. It's quite different from all of the other stories I've read this week. I totally appreciate your out-of-the-box thinking. I tend to think differently than most. Sometimes it works and other times, I'm sure I can see people looking at me with one eyebrow raised. Stretching beyond that box, though, is how all great stories begin--taking the author out of his comfort zone.

I noticed a few minor things. You switched your tenses a few times from present to past and back again. For me, writing in the present tense can be quite difficult to do, but if done correctly, quite effective. For me personally, the story of the missing dog might not be suspenseful enough. I like it, but I think you needed more elements of danger. One suggestion would be at the ocean, have the MC sputter and choke on the salt water with racing thoughts like Oh dear, I worried about telling the kids that something had happened to Woolie. But now, they may lose their father too. Oh I hope they understand I came out only because I love them... Then have him black out. Then again, when the tree branch clunked him in the head, it would have added more tension if you had played that out more. If read quickly, it could almost be missed.

I think the ending was quite brilliant. The man set out to rescue dog only to have the dog rescue him. It's a great twist and the message speaks volumes. Often, in life, we set out to be the hero, only to discover we are the ones needing rescuing. I see tons of potential in this piece. Turn the MC into a 12 yo boy and you'd have a thrilling story in my favorite genre. Most important, don't get discouraged. You deserve a Happy Dance for entering. Many people shied away this week. It's not an easy genre to write at all. Every time you enter the challenge, you're a winner in my book. The idea of the challenge isn't to place high (though that's certainly a bonus when it happens), but to improve your writing skills and another bonus is to touch others. By being open to red ink, meeting a tight deadline, writing a story you may never had written if not for the prompt, and learning to write on topic are all valuable skills. You may not see the rewards of your hard work every week, but keep at it and before you know it, you'll keep improving. You've some great talent and a unique way of seeing things. God will do many things (most of which you may never be aware of) through your words. What a blessing to be used by God in that manner. Keep writing my friend!