Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Like a Red Rag to a Bull (11/28/13)
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TITLE: Uncontrollable Anger | Previous Challenge Entry
By Deborah Sampson
12/03/13 -
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Then suddenly you see red and your anger is over the top. I know for a fact because I do have issues with my temper. I have tried to control it and most of the time I do, or at least now I do but before I found salvation in Jesus, I thought I’d have no hope. But with Jesus, I found peace and contentment. Back before BC (before Christ) I ran a lot of my friends away, my boyfriend couldn’t take the never knowing when the next anger bomb would go off. That’s what Jake called them. For sometimes they appeared out of nowhere and over trifle things.
I know that I’d have to have things my way; I guess you’d say I was a little controlling. But I didn’t see it that way. When I was with Jake the look he gave me was so intense.
When Jake spoke, he told me “Roselyn, I have had all I can take, I want out of this relationship, now!” He said with no more than a harsh whisper.
“Oh go ahead and get out, you wanted to for a long time. You’re not who I thought you were, Jake. So here, take your coat and go!” I was screaming about then.
What caused this? You see when Jake said to me earlier, “Roselyn, hon, I can’t make the dinner at your parents’ house this week. You’ll just have to understand, my dad is coming home.” I haven’t seen my dad for a year, I am excited about it. He’s only going to be here a couple of days.”
“Jake, that not right!” Mom and Dad are expecting you there. Just see your dad after wards.” I said with my lips beginning to get tighter with each word.
“Roselyn, maybe he could come to, and have dinner.” He smiled at her.
“Jake! That’s ridiculous, my Mom and Dad do not even know him that would be too awkward. I don’t even know him. Just tell him you will see him later.”
“Roselyn, I won’t do that. I want to have dinner with him and that’s what I am going to do.”
“Jake I said no, please be reasonable.” I said as my anger rose with each word I spoke. “You will be there?”
That’s the moment he told me that he had all he could take. The moment he told me that we were through.
That’s the moment I saw red. I know how a bull feels when red is flash before him. He goes a little crazy and wants to attack. He doesn’t understand it just a feeling he gets. In one swift action the bull’s rage takes over and the outcome isn’t pretty. He finally calms down. Much like I do, after the damage is done. And this time there was no fixing the damage I caused.
Now, after months of searching I found that I needed help and I started going to a small group at a local church. They had counselors there for many different issues.
I started going to the anger management classes. These people were like me and I heard their heart wrenching stories, and the anger that they were feeling. I met one young lady in particular and formed a friendship.
That friendship led me to attend Page’s church. That’s where I gave my heart to Jesus. I was so at peace after that night. I felt more in charge with me and my life. I know that it fully changed my life.
I still attend the classes but I can tell you that I really can control my anger. Am I perfect? No, but the little bouts now and then I can quench them before they become full blown ugly episodes. Or like Jake called them ‘Anger Bombs’.
I have learned much and I think I am ready to try dating again. In Matthew 19:26, it says “With men this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
I do know now that life isn’t all about me. I want God’s will in my life. My will messed me up, uncontrollable anger can be dangerous to all around you, and it kills relationships and worse, lives.
Part Fiction part True
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I realize that some of the "S's" are missing, however, good proof reading will be sure to fix that. Example: " it just a feeling he gets." VS. " it's just a feeling he gets."
Overall, this is a good piece and right on topic.
Use a comma after "direct address" - saying their name in a sentence. This helps us read it with the correct pause and we have more of the correct feeling for the sentence.
Yes, peace comes when we obey what Peter said to do to receive the forgiveness of sin and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.
Good writing.
You may want to find a proofreader to help you catch little things like extra quotation marks, to instead of too, and switching from first person voice to second.
Those are all little details though. The core of your message is strong and comes through loud and clear. You did a fine job of nailing the topic. Many people can relate to your MC. I like how you point out that being a Christian doesn't solve all of your problems, but certainly makes life easier knowing Jesus has our backs. Good job keep writing. You may want to check out Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards. She gives great advice for all writers, beginners to Masters.