The Official Writing Challenge
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Date
12/05/13
Thanks for your well written and moving story. The ending is filled with hope and renewal, and all things are possible through Christ. Well said, and well done.

God Bless~
12/05/13
This story is sad, yet, with a positive under tone and a good ending.

I realize that some of the "S's" are missing, however, good proof reading will be sure to fix that. Example: " it just a feeling he gets." VS. " it's just a feeling he gets."

Overall, this is a good piece and right on topic.
You said it well. What is in our heart, comes out.

Use a comma after "direct address" - saying their name in a sentence. This helps us read it with the correct pause and we have more of the correct feeling for the sentence.

Yes, peace comes when we obey what Peter said to do to receive the forgiveness of sin and receive the gift of the Holy Spirit.

Good writing.
12/09/13
Great testimony of God's grace at work in your life! It beautifully tied in with the Challenge topic! I think God will be using you in the future to offer hope and encouragement to others in your Christian circle who are dealing with anger issues. Keep writing!
I really liked how you laid your emotions out for all to see and learn from.

You may want to find a proofreader to help you catch little things like extra quotation marks, to instead of too, and switching from first person voice to second.

Those are all little details though. The core of your message is strong and comes through loud and clear. You did a fine job of nailing the topic. Many people can relate to your MC. I like how you point out that being a Christian doesn't solve all of your problems, but certainly makes life easier knowing Jesus has our backs. Good job keep writing. You may want to check out Jan's Writing Basics on the message boards. She gives great advice for all writers, beginners to Masters.