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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Risk (05/17/12)
"Honey, I’m home." Bob strolled into the kitchen from the garage.

Dinner was on the table, he sat down, Judy, his wife joined him.

"Honey, I've got a big announcement. I put in my two weeks notice at the school district, and bought a Pizza Factory franchise."

Judy clenched her jaw. "You what?"

Bob's face glowed. "Honey, I wanted to surprise you."

"Bob, this is a major decision. What about your pension?"

"Judy, calm down!"

Judy stared at Bob. "What do you know about making pizzas?"

Bob picked up his fork and started to eat his salad. "If you give me a chance, I'll explain."

Judy picked up a knife to put butter on her roll, then threw it down on the table. "Where did you get the money?"

"From our savings account."

Judy's eyes rolled. "Why, did you do this? Again what's the explanation?"

Bob cut his steak with his knife. "I've always wanted to be my own boss. You know I am a good cook. I rented a retail location across from the high school. We’ll get a boatload of business. Kids like pizza and like going out to eat after the big game. I 'm a well liked teacher, my reputation will bring the bucks in."

"This will fail big time!"

"The Pizza Factory Corporation helps the franchises get up and running. They help to pay, at first, for advertising. They will also pay for one of those search lights to be out in front of the restaurant. We’re going to be okay, trust me." Bob bit into his steak.

**************

Two years later, Bob walked into the house. He was about to flip on a light switch when he noticed the candles on the table, along with the white table cloth, the cloth napkins and the smell of roasted duck. There was also music playing in the background.

His wife walked into the dining area. "Surprise."

"Honey, I don't know what to say."

Bob's mouth dropped open.
Judy smiled and batted her eyes. "You don’t have to say anything."

"What's the occasion?"

"This is a victory celebration."
Bob's eyes rolled. "For what?"

"You’ve been a successful business owner for two years. I also wanted to say I'm sorry for not
trusting you."

"I love you Judy." The two of them embraced.
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This article has been read 846 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Terry Lee
05/24/12
My jaw clenched right along with Judy's. It takes a special sort of character to be an entrepreneur, and I'm glad Bob took the risk, and it worked out.

C D Swanson 
05/25/12
He followed his heart,and when it feels "right" - it is from God. So, praise the Lord he was successful...with lots of help from above!

Nicely written and told.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/26/12
This is a great take on the topic. I had to chuckle when the man didn't discuss quitting his job with his wife. I pictured him sleeping on the sofa.

You're getting better at making the dialog feel more natural. Also the narration part at times may seem not relevant to thestory. However the fact that he cut his meat and kept chewing showed thereader he was ignorant of the storm brewing in his wife. You did a nice job with this one.
Dannie Hawley 
05/26/12
Wow, you managed to get my juices boiling right along with Judy's as i read this article. It's a pretty big decision for both of their lives for your MC to make on his own but, alas, this is the situation in life today so you're telling it like it is, for sure. Nice that this couple was the exception to the rule, in the end, since today's economy doesn't allow for such happy endings all that often. Realistic dialogue here. Good job.
Jody Day 
05/31/12
Good job grabbing the reader emotionally. I could feel Judy's frustration. The dialogue is good.

Might want to watch for unnecessary words. ("cut his steak with a knife") The reader will assume 'with a knife'.

Nicely done.