Here I Am! | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: Here I Am! | Previous Challenge Entry
By Robbi McKenzie
08/11/08
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My mother had her hands full with five children. My parents had managed to somehow “afford” all of us while Mom stayed at home. She had been an only child and adjusting to raising five offspring was forever challenging her. Somehow she managed as Mothers always do.

Baby sister was around 4 years old when Pants Barn opened its doors in Hazel Green, Alabama. It was the perfect option for a parent with children who always seemed too tall and thin for “normal” clothes. Where in the past finding our perfect fit and perfect length had been a challenge, this treasure trove of garments had wall upon wall of “imperfect” sizes – meaning sizes not normally sought but perfect to outfit our entire family and at discount prices to boot.

A trip to the Pants Barn meant several HOURS of waiting in line to try on what Mother picked out for us and hopefully new clothes to take home for each. It was an exciting day for us because Mother also gave us the freedom to peruse the aisles and items while she searched herself and inspected our selections. However, for the four year old baby sister had become, it meant supervision by siblings or having to stay by Mother’s side during the entire event. Seldom were any of us left at home in case some treasure/bargain was discovered that we could not live without. We also knew the seriousness of the event and tried to follow instructions regarding behavior and manners.

It was on one of our routine back to school visits to the Pants Barn that baby sister rebelled. On this particular day, we must have really had Mom’s attention diverted towards bargains or fashions because she did not notice that baby sister was missing. When she finally began looking, sister was nowhere to be seen. We all began calling out her name, blaming one another for not keeping up and alleging that the last time we saw her she was at Mother’s side. Our only hope for not becoming the next victim was to find sister before things got out of hand.

Unfortunately, we did not find her and things did get out of hand. The deputies had already gotten her description and once again asked Mother was she SURE she had searched the store. They were beginning to walk around the store searching for witnesses. Mother was beside herself, near tears and on the verge of slapping each and every one of us for not keeping up with our missing sibling. Still we each managed to relay our own version of the disappearance wherein the least favored of us was completely to blame. I think on that particular day my older brother had flipped a few too many rubber bands or made fun of us for too long so he was an easy scapegoat.

As the deputies were relaying the information over the radio, we had begun to give into the fear that indeed she had somehow left the premises. Just then, from deep within the men’s formal wear department, deep within some large man’s jacket, hanging on a rotating rack, out popped our adorable sibling. “Here I am!” she exclaimed. I thought I saw a brief moment of relief on Mother’s face before she grabbed her by the arm and proceeded to whip the tarnation out of her all the while screaming “how many times did I call you?”. Oh yes, those whippings always inspire a child to answer to a call!

As with any parent, Mother quickly forgave our sister. Our family quickly returned to its normal state of instability and we were reminded of unconditional love. As I reflect on this memory, I realize that without love and forgiveness we are all basically that child hiding in the jacket hanging on the rack – forever fearful of what awaits us when we come back out into the open, knowing that we are unworthy of the love we will once again experience. Our Father – God – is always waiting with open arms. His discipline is short and exact and the love He gives us through it and on the other side is far more unconditional that any human love we can experience. When I hide in fear of my own shortcomings, I find that if I seek Him there is nothing but pure love waiting for me to come back out. So, here I am Lord!

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