Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Illustrate the meaning of "Every Dark Cloud has a Silver Lining" (without using the actual phrase or literal example). (02/28/08)
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TITLE: AND THEN THERE WERE FOUR | Previous Challenge Entry
By Deborah Cooke
03/05/08 -
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She watched the little stripes appear on the strip in her hand. The welling up of emotions surprised her, incredulous, wonder, pleasure all tinged with a slight shock and a small amount of trepidation.
Well baby number four was a reality now, the strip declared that clearly. She flicked the switch on the kettle and set out a cup; time for a cuppa.
They would manage, she was sure of that. Just thinking of the three beautiful children they had already produced added to that surety. She sipped her tea.
******
“What do you mean, you can’t do this?” Her voice shrilled. “You have already done this! That’s where we are!”
“You’re the man who wanted a tribe, remember. Well this is just another one for the tribe.” Carla was astounded at Martins response to the news.
“That was before we had any of them.” Martin’s voice had almost no breath in it. “That’s before I knew how you would cope with them.” He closed off and dropped his head. “I really can’t do it.”
“Martin, you can’t NOT do this; there’s no pushing a magic button and having this disappear. This is what we’ve got! I don’t understand, you’ve never said anything like this before. We’ll be alright, we’ll manage; it might be a bit tight for a while but we’ll get there.” She babbled out, an unknown panic rising up inside her. They had always managed.
“You might, but I can’t.” He said flatly.
The panic now gripped her. “Don’t speak like that! I don’t know what you mean – you can’t! What does that mean? I can do some more sewing, or you could sell off something.” She answered her own questioning.
“It’s not that easy.” Martin said, looking fully at her and then dropping his eyes. “I’d have to leave.”
“Have to leave? Have to leave!” She could hear the pitch of own her voice and that added to her fear. “Martin, none of this makes sense. We are happy! We’re not rich, but things are good, aren’t they?”
Almost as if speaking to the floor, he continued. “They might be good for you, but it’s all too hard for me, Carla.”
*****
Unashamedly, she desperately begged him to stay, and he did.
She didn’t understand why he had never complained before this. How could she have been so blissfully unaware of his deep discontent?
Then six weeks before the baby was due to arrive, Martin was gone.
Carla knew as soon as she walked into the house that something was amiss. There was an empty feeling as she walked into the lounge. The small T.V. was gone and there were books scattered in front of the bookcase. She immediately went to their room; the wardrobe doors stood open, with Martins side empty.
She sank to the floor, moaning. Tears jerked from her overburdened body. She wailed so deeply, her unborn child kicked within her. The other three children stood at the door, terrified to see their mother.
The oldest boy, walked over, placing his shaky little hand on her shoulder, whispered “Are you alright, Mummy?”
*****
The next six weeks passed in a of fog of dark despair; six weeks of lying in bed crying; six weeks of the children eating mainly ‘Weeties’ and vegemite sandwiches, before the new little baby arrived.
Carla looked into the little face, puckered and pink, with eyes gazing into the bright lights, seemingly in wonderment of being alive. Carla gently kissed the top of her head.
Her brothers and sister were very excited to see her and to have their first nurse and were impatient to have her home, which all panicked Carla. How could she take this helpless little thing home into her dark hole of despair?
The hospital Chaplain called in each day to see Carla and talked at length to her.
“I’ve fallen into a pit.” Carla confessed. “I really thought I had everything I could ever want, but it wasn’t real. I don’t think I can trust anybody ever again.”
Rachel told Carla of the hope that Jesus brings; eternal, everlasting hope that nothing on this earth can destroy. “That’s what I need.” Carla responded.
“You know the funny thing; I think if I stayed happy, I would never have known how much I need Jesus. It mightn’t be going to be easy, but it will be better.”
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I also love descriptions. I want to know about the children. What did they look like? What is the home like?
Good dialogue...keep writing.
I felt that the last section, and particularly the past few paragraphs, were a bit rushed and "summarized", as opposed to the rest of the sections which beautifully showed your readers your main character's story.
Perhaps there will be "five" again someday--we can hope!
MEL