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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Gifts (of the Spirit or service) (11/22/07)
Extreme Love

“No! Don’t sell them!” Mary screamed. “That’s cruel! You can’t sell the poor kittens! Their mother would be so heart broken! How would you like it if someone sold me? Cats have feelings too you know!”

Mary’s mother sighed. “Mary, we need to get rid of them. We can’t possibly afford to keep five cats. The first two were bad enough, now we have three more. We have a whole barn full of animals. Can’t you find something else to take care of?”

“Please don’t sell them.” Mary said softer than her first try. “I…I’ll take care of them. With my allowance. Yeah! I’ll take good care of them. I will pay for everything.” She said as if the idea had just come to her.

“Well I suppose we will let you try. If you can take care of them without much help then we will let you keep them. But if you can’t care for them we will have to sell them.” Mary’s mother sighed in exasperation as Mary gave a little squeak of delight. “But I will need to talk to your father first. So for now you need to go to your room to finish your homework.”

“Thank you!” Mary called as she ran from the barn.



“Mary, get up. The bus will be here any minute. Get dressed.” Mary opened her eyes but a wave of sleepiness washed over her. Her mother began to dig in her dresser for some clothes.

“Mary, get up.” Her mother repeated. “I want you to wear these to day.” she said holding up Mary’s favorite pink mini skirt and her ‘Girl power’ shirt.

The morning sky shone indigo when Mary stepped out the screen door onto the cold, gray steps of the porch. Today would be the perfect day to spend out side.

Mary’s cheeks turned pink from the early morning breeze as she walked to the bus stop. Nobody was at the bus stop when she got there.

Everything was quiet when Mary sat down. The air was beginning to warm up and the sky was rapped in a pink, orange blanket.

Mary’s peace crumbled around her as the bus pulled up. It’s large tires throwing gravel in the air as it stopped. The doors flew open. She reached up for the cold handle and pulled herself in.

The air was hot and sticky from so many bodies. There weren’t many seats left. Mary found an empty seat next to a small girl named Abigail.

“Hi.” Mary said.

“Hi.” Abigail answered back, glancing down at her shoes.

“Hey Abbygail!” The bully of the school said as he got on the bus at the last stop. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you be back at your shed where you and your family live?” He sneered at the little girl as everybody laughed.

Abigail’s cheeks burned as if she was about to burst with embarrassment. Everybody knew that her family was poor, and that they had moved to this small town by force. They had nowhere else to go. Poor Abigail was despised by everyone at school. Mary herself didn’t think she was a pretty girl either.

The teasing and laughing continued and didn’t stop even when they were about to enter the school parking lot. Mary couldn’t stand it any more no matter how much she didn‘t care for Abigail. This had to stop.

She stood up and looked the bully straight in the face. “Shut your mouth and leave her alone.” The bus went silent and everybody stared at Mary in shock. She wasn’t popular at school either.

“Come on Abigail.” Mary said when the bus stopped. “Lets go play.” With that Mary gave Abigail a big hug and Abigail smiled.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
David F. Palmieri Sr.
11/29/07
I like your ideas, but it appears you have two different stories going on.

An outline would probably help keep your thoughts in order, and serve as a check list to make sure you have made all of your points.

You have the potential, in my opinion. Don't let the "challenge" scare you. You are among friends here...
Jan Ackerson
11/30/07
You've created a fine character in Mary.

I'm not clear on what the kitten story has to do with the later one, nor of how they relate to the topic of spiritual gifts, exactly.

Good dialogue writing, and good job of keeping the situation realistic.
Joanne Sher 
12/03/07
Not sure of the connection between the kittens and the ordeal on the bus, but this was nicely written. Keep writing.
Marita Vandertogt
12/05/07
I think the kittens in the beginning of your story and the mother's challenge for Mary to find something else to care about is maybe what lead Mary to defend Abigail on the bus. She found something else to care about. This shows the gift of caring in a very unique way.
Lauren Page
12/11/07
It was a very cute ending. I like it, there have been so many times that I felt like I should have done some thing like that. Good life lesson! ^-^ & :)