Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Write in the HUMOR genre (04/12/07)
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TITLE: Violets and Roses | Previous Challenge Entry
By Richard Adams
04/12/07 -
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George Brown is a somewhat paunchy and ill kept middle aged man; he stands by the sink of his compact Galley style kitchen whistling a happy tune while rinsing out a tall frosted glass. He has on his favorite Sunday outfit; an orange and black tiger striped XXXX Bengal’s jersey with the words WHO DEY across the front and knee length Kentucky Blue and white shorts. Worn black slip-on sneakers help balance his frail “chicken legs” that appear too sticklike to support such a bulging upper torso. He takes a moment to peek through the cut-out window above the sink, checking on something happening in the adjoining living room where the TV announcer is introducing the defensive line for the Cincinnati Bengal’s. He slaps the “Lazy-Suzan” below the counter top, spin-dialing a package of Orville Redenbacher’s Movie House Buttered Popcorn. For the ten thousandth time he gently places the bag in just the right position and slams the door shut.
Shifting his attention toward the camera, he nonchalantly drops his head slightly to peer over the top of his dark rimmed reading glasses, precariously perched above his button nose, which is dutifully upheld by a rather neglected silvery mustache.
Well, it’s been over twenty years now, since we first got together. We had something special, and we STILL DO! We’ve gone through everything together, and Violet supported me in whatever I did.
Well, a little while ago I started noticing Violet’s been kind of fading out on me, now don’t misunderstand me she’s still my greatest supporter, but it’s been kind of different. So I went out one day to go see if I could find something to bring a spark back into our relationship and I ended up at Value City!
I wondered around in there for hours, looking here and there and picking up this and that, when out a NOWHERE something I never expected happened! I wasn’t LOOKING for it to happen, I’m not like that at all but, there she was! I watched as different folks would go over where she was; I couldn’t take my eyes off her. I got up my nerve and made my way over to her and I sat down. I started up a little small talk.
Her name is Rosie; she’s a little smaller than Violet, but FIRM, soft and pretty; lord she’s pretty! I just couldn’t help myself. We left the store together and I don’t know what made me do it but I snuck her into the house and told her stay there on the chair downstairs while I went to see Violet.
“When I went up stairs Violet was waiting for me to pull her close and snuggle for a while, so I did. A little later I told her to stay put, I had something I wanted to bring up stairs to show her, and I ran down and got Rosie. “LOOK, I said, with Rosie by my side, you think it would be OK if she stays?”
George skips across the floor to the “frig” and slams his glass under the ice maker. A loud grumble breaks though the silence of the room as the machine inside pops and snaps a crispy block of ice into bits that jingle into his glass, next comes the cold diet Pepsi and he’s on his way to the living room humming that same happy little tune.
The camera swings around between the TV and the couch to reveal Violet and Rosie patiently waiting there for George. He flops himself down right between them.
Violet is clearly older and quite refined, classy like George said, well formed, slightly wrinkled, kind of faded; missing a few buttons and some of her tassels, her aged satin piping and ruffled fluting is still in good shape; a fine specimen from the 80’s and one classy pillow.
Rosie on the other hand is voluptuous, firm, perfectly rounded, and definitely smaller than Violet. Gathered bunches of rich Rose Red velvet encircle a deep red satin button; the perfect compliment for a classy Violet.
George draws them close to him; with one on each side he takes his Bible from the lamp stand and opens it to read his favorite verse, Hebrews 11: 1 “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.”
George looks up to heaven, “someday Lord he says, I’ll meet her, won’t I?”
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I was confused by the switch to first person in the middle section. And there are some grammatical things to clean up that would greatly improve this story.
This is a very good character study...humor, yes, but sadness, too. A very effective mix.
I found the first paragraph a little slow to get into, but as I continued, it caught my interest more. Well done.