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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Shopping (03/01/07)
“Shopper? Stop Her!”

Shopping is my wife’s way of getting even! Getting even for what you may ask?

Anything she wants!

Let me say first of all that I am just like the majority of men in the U.S.A. I’m not a shopper. I may not even go out of my way to walk to the next storefront in the local mall, even if I might save a buck or two.

If I need a pair of shoes I will ask myself all the questions necessary before I leave the driveway.
1. “What color do I want?”
2. “What material do I want for the type of shoes needed?”
3. “Do I want laces or Velcro?”
4. “How much money should I spend on them?”

When I walk into the shoe store all bets are off! As long as they have a size thirteen double “D” I’m out of there!

If the sales person asks if I want the receipt just say, “No thanks, I’ll wear them home. You can keep the old ones!”

My wife on the other hand would drive thirty miles in the snow with a flat tire in order to save ten cents! And if that’s not bad enough, she insists on taking me with her, because yesterday the dog tore up her laundry! How in the world is that my fault? She said, “Because, I should have known he would do it.”

Great, now I’m a dog clairvoyant!

Shopping is sheer torture for me! Wal-mart should be boycott by any self-respecting husband with the knowledge that wives can go brain-dead when it comes to shopper’s time limits. Honestly, I believe God never intended for man to endure clipping coupons.

And where is it written that a man must hold their pink purses, while standing in line with a competitors’ coupon, in order to get a deal on the family size box of “unmentionables!”

It used to be that my only hope was to drag my feet long enough to get a late start, and hope that the clock struck 10:00 pm for closing time… oh yeah, our local Wal-mart is now open 24/7. “Thanks.”

“Is their no Justice? Is their no relief? How many hours of humiliation can one man take sitting on that hard little bench outside the woman’s dressing room?”

Oh well, I guess I must continue to practice what I preach.

Die to self, esteem others greater that yourself, if you want to be great in God’s kingdom learn to be the servant of all, do unto others… Hey wait, that’s it! Next week is our anniversary!

“Honey, I’ve got a great idea! For our anniversary I’m going to buy us season tickets to the Chicago Bulls. Don’t worry; I’m gonna’ let you shop for all the paraphernalia you can buy me! I’d do that for you sweetie.”
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This article has been read 984 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
terri tiffany
03/08/07
Very cute - good humor - nice voice throughout:) The only suggestion that I might give is to reduce the # of exclamation points and let the reader do the excitment themselves. Otherwise - I wouldn't change a thing.:) Nice work.
Jacquelyn Horne
03/09/07
Sounds like a man! And that should make you feel good. Loved the ending.
Clyde Blakely
03/09/07
Couldn't be said better (please don't let my wife read this). Suggest you read "A Husband's Duty" in the same category (beginners). Thanks for having the courage; who said this was humor anyway :) ?

God bless and keep writing.
Marilee Alvey
03/10/07
You've written a good story, using humor and showing us a man's eye view of shopping. I lost the effectiveness on why you have to go shopping with her because the dog tore up the laundry. I think, to stay out of trouble, the DOG needs to go with her.

I love the comment about Walmart being open 24/7. "Thanks!"

A few grammatical mistakes. One is very easy to fix. "There" is a place. "Their" is 'belonging to them.' Easy to master. By the way, I agree with Terri, though I am a great offender, as well. If you have to excite them with exclamation marks, I suppose it doesn't count!

Way to go on writing a humorous piece. I'd like to see you keep on developing this voice. You're doing great!
Tammy S. Eudy
03/10/07
Hey, great article. It made me chuckle thinking of my own poor husband.
Thanks for the humor!
Phyllis Inniss 
03/12/07
Quite a humorous piece of writing and you managed to fit how we must live by God's standards at the end as well. That was truly clever.
Paul Potenza
03/13/07
I'm WITH YA!!!

Guess what MY wife does? NAAAHH forget it. I don't want to turn this into a "Can You Beat THIS" thing.

I just want you to know that I enjoyed reading your piece and that you were "on point" with the subject.

Good Job.

Pauly
Donna Powers
03/14/07
A cute story but in my family it is hubby that shops and me that sits on the pursestrings. I did enjoy this. Nice work
Deborah Porter 
03/20/07
Frank, as Chrissy mentioned in her comment, you deserve a big pat on the back for ranking 10th in Level 1 for this entry. The competition is always really strong in this level, so you did wonderfully well.

I have to admit that I'm just like you (there are quite a few women who also hate shopping - particularly around FaithWriters). I think that's why I enjoyed this so much.

It was a fun entry, that started well, then flowed smoothly through to a really good ending. You tied everything up very nicely.

If you ever become a 500 member, please let me know. I'd love to be able to use this in FaithWriters' Magazine.

Keep up the great work and the terrific sense of humor.

With love, Deb (Challenge Coordinator and Editor, FaithWriters' Magazine)