The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Good pov. It's so hard to put all you are feeling into such a quick time frame and short space. There's a lot more to be said here. Be sure to expand on it after the Challenge is over.
02/23/07
Good story! I especially liked the dialogue--it made the story flow really well and kept my interest.
02/23/07
I enjoyed your story as well and I hope you do get a chance to expand it.
I agree with the others, and hope you can expand this piece. You've done very well.

Blessings,

Teresa Marshall
02/25/07
I loved the contrast between the two "walks"; both of which she needed to start a little at a time. So many parallels here. This is a very good beginning. Nice job
02/26/07
You have done some things VERY RIGHT here. You have used a lot of dialogue, making us feel right there. You have also given us a "hook," early on, to make us want to read more (This woman has a serious health problem and we become concerned for her, right away.) One thing I'd suggest: work on a title that makes us want to read further. Make it hook us and make us want to pick yours to read, just like you hooked us in the first paragraph with the health issue. Keep it up!
Great story. Loved all the dialogue.