Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Cross (as in the Cross of Christ) (08/17/06)
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TITLE: Built For Barabbas | Previous Challenge Entry
By Justin Atkin
08/20/06 -
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The Roman Soldiers took me into a dark jail and bound me between two thieves. The sound of men working was the only thing that cut through the darkness. “ They’re building our crosses, aren’t they?” one of the thieves asked. I grinned. The thieves began talking about regrets. I kept quite. I had no regrets.
Three days I was there. Each day was longer and longer and each night darker and darker. A pair of soldiers awakened me some time around four in the morning. “Barabbas, Pilate has sent for you. Up! Now!” they yelled as they pulled me from the floor.
As we arrived to the place where Pilate stood, I looked below. A great multitude of people had gathered there. Pilate pulled me by my cloak. I thought he was going to throw me to those wolves below. “Which one!” Pilate yelled as he pulled me beside the one they called Jesus. “Barabbas!” they called out. “ Release unto us, Barabbas!”
Pilate loosed my hands and feet and released me to the mob. I watched for a while, but I really didn’t know what was taking place. Although one thing is for certain; that man, Jesus, was carrying the cross built for me!
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What I might change - I would first double space my paragraphs and separate each person's dialogue into their own paragaph. Easier reading for all. There were a few typos to fix up too.
You are a very good writer and seemed to know how to put a story together complete with good action!:)