The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
Member
Date
08/24/06
What I liked about it - the content was terrific! The ending was also perfect!

What I might change - I would first double space my paragraphs and separate each person's dialogue into their own paragaph. Easier reading for all. There were a few typos to fix up too.
You are a very good writer and seemed to know how to put a story together complete with good action!:)