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Topic: Fulfillment (04/06/06)
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TITLE: Fulfillment When Health Fails | Previous Challenge Entry
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04/07/06 -
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It was getting to be a usual dim morning for Kelly as she awoke wondering what would bring her fulfillment in life. Everyone was in bed, as she had arose from a medical condition that had taken her into a life-threating sucidal thoughts. As she tossed and tumbled in her recliner, she found her ears were all clogged and had fullness, her jaw felt pushed out of place, her head had pressure that nagged her. She didn't know why it was so difficult to start diagnosing the condition. She had gone from doctor to doctor, specialist to specialst seeking help for the condition that seem to be getting worst instead of better. She was feeling more discouraged as the days go by, and losing hope as time went by.
She had heard from specialist their was nothing they could do, or nothing they could find. Finally a ear, nose, and throat doctor diagnose the condition as "Eagle Syndrome". With the doctor going to perform surgury and backing out a few days prior to the planned time, it disheartened Kelly more. Where was her last hope of getting better. Kelly searched for answers endlessly, she felt lost over and over and didn't feel like praying. Finally Kelly goes to a medical college, they think the conditon is not ear related but TJM with trigeminal nerve neuralgia.
It seemed Kelly had lost all joy in life. Life didn't seem to have fulfillment of any sorts, her focus was on getting through the devastating medical condition and its effects. Having a baby changes things but finding fulfillment in motherhood was all to scary and life shaking for her with her terrible medical conditon. Kelly thanked God that her mother was still alive and functioning, in Kelly's conditon there was no way she would be able to take care of her baby. What should be her bundle of joy and life was far from being the grandest time of her life. Life was throwing her for devastation and Kelly didn't know what to do.
Kelly seemed to be getting angrier, she started hating life. She had sunk into despair wanting to take her own life. She wondered what could she do-would putting antifreeze on her morning toast take her out of her physical pain, or how could she get assisted sucide. Would it take her out of pain of today and tomorrow. Pain that deeply intensely traveled through her nerves and toes and fingers, the pain of tomorrow of living life on life terms. Life was not a bed of sunshine for her, life was dim and blink. She felt rage toward the doctors and insurance companies. It seemed to her its bad to not have insurance, but to have insurance and not to be able to get satifactory care just tormented her more. Everything was waiting game. Waiting for appointments. Where was the seriousness and urgency. It seemed to Kelly, all the doctors wanted was money. Life was a gamble and her gamble had almost folded, she had lost out on life-holding on by a squeeze.
Kelly still is waiting for gentle care and provision as the situation stands today. But atleast for today it seemed she has had a little progress with the medication therapy but she sits searching on the computer doubting it will get any better.
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