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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Break (02/06/06)
The rain’s falling. Twisted by the wind, blowing through my shattered window. Gray, cold, bitter. Millions of droplets with meaningless lives. Raped by gravity, that irresistible tug of the flesh. Seduced by a creation that has been bartered into sin. They die. Every one. Condemned from their birth to death.

They have no hope.

I am the rain. A droplet falling with no control. Beyond salvation. Beyond caring. I know that I, too, will be dead soon. It’s inevitable, scarred into the splintered earth. I’ll die, as have countless generations. We are plummeting to our destruction. Betrayed by our forefathers. Damned from our conception.

Yet I resist.

I defy the forces that claw at me. I scream my dissent against the principalities and powers. My fist raised by the strength of a Body broken. “Oh, God! Oh, God! Have mercy on me a sinner! Death falls around me. There but for the grace of you, go I.”
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Connie Husby
02/13/06
I was drawn to you words in your poem, and found myself thinking about my own life. I really enjoyed the dramatic viewpoint on life and death and God's mercy. Thank you, you've inspired me.
Zac James
02/13/06
There's some good, unusual vocabulary here.
Jessica Schmit
02/14/06
This was beautiful. SO few words, conveyed such an powerful story. I loved the fresh words you used throughtout. Powerfully written!
Nina Phillips
02/16/06
I liked the analogy blended with poetic force. Very nice! God bless ya, littlelight
Jan Ackerson
02/16/06
"My fist raised by the strength of a Body broken..."
Wow, just wow. This was powerful stuff, and I predict that you will not long be in Beginners.
Lynda Schultz 
02/17/06
I loved this especially: "There but for the grace of you, go I" - a neat twist on an old saying. It nailed your point. Good job.
Maxx .
02/17/06
The word choices are very strong. The message is outstanding. All in all a very powerful piece. Good luck with your writing!
Shari Armstrong 
02/17/06
Very poetic -some good images and well done comparison.
Anita Neuman
02/18/06
Very powerful and compelling! I agree - you won't be long in beginners. If I could make one suggestion, it would be to break up the paragraphs into a more linear form - turn it into free verse poetry. But don't change your choice of words at all. Amazing work!
Sandra Petersen
02/18/06
Your descriptions are so vivid and your words so well-chosen, I felt that, instead of prose, I was reading poetry. I had to reread this because it almost seems symbolic of the plight of mankind in general and each individual in particular. One I could read again and again. Wow!
Jacquelyn Horne
05/17/07
This is short, but I really liked it. I would like to see it written in prose/poetry form. very good.