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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Space (01/23/06)
It was a bright night so bright they could see every star in the sky and just out of the blue she says, “I need some space.”
“Okay, anything for my lady,” Chaz said.
Honey was amazed at how he handled the news, but she could not see how he was really feeling. Chaz was both fine with it and traumatized by it. He wanted to cry, but he did not want Honey to know how he really felt about it.
After they split up they talked a little. Soon their miniature conversations shrinked to hellos. After a while they said nothing. As the weeks flew by, Chaz grew further and further apart from Honey. Chaz began to see other women, but not Honey. Her feelings for Chaz remained the same.
Then, one day she saw Chaz talking to a tall, dark-haired, beautiful girl. She walked up to them and said, “Excuse me, Chaz, but may I please talk to you for a minute?”
“Yea,” Chaz said. “I’ll be right back Nevaeh.”
They walked a little ways away and Honey said angrily, “Excuse me, but what are you doing with her?”
“What does it look like?” asked Chaz.
“It looks like you’re trying to start a relationship with her when you’re still with me.”
“I’m sorry, Honey, but I don’t have any feelings for you anymore.”
Honey started crying and ran off. Chaz went back to Nevaeh and continued with their date. Nevaeh and Chaz’s relationship grew and grew. They later fell in love, got married, and had children. And they live happily ever after.
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This article has been read 1022 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Crista Darr
01/31/06
This seems more about Honey than about Chaz. Maybe it would work better by telling it from Chaz's perspective.
terri tiffany
01/31/06
Could use some sentence structure and punctuation work but I can see that you really tried hard to develop your character with dialogue.
Marilyn Schnepp 
02/04/06
This needs some paragrphing to make it "reader friendly"; and it also could use some sentence structure with comma's and periods to break up the sentences. It can easily be fixed with some editing and re=writing. Thanks for sharing.
Theresa Veach
02/04/06
I loved the message under the entire story...to me it seems to say "be careful what you ask for! Honey wanted space and boy did she get it "anything for my lady..." great message!
Theresa Veach
02/04/06
I loved the message under the entire story...to me it seems to say "be careful what you ask for! Honey wanted space and boy did she get it "anything for my lady..." great story.
Nina Phillips
02/06/06
This is a good, "I know you can read between the lines," story. I agree, be careful what you ask for. Lack of communication and too much space. A little editing, and this would right on! God bless ya, littlelight