The Official Writing Challenge
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Good connection between the beginning and the end - a literal "cliff-hanger" bringing the reader full circle. The spiritual application was very well done. I'm glad you stopped where you did, leaving the reader to face the question of his/her own condition. A couple of minor things: it should be "narrower and narrower" rather than "more and more narrow" and I think it should be "forbidding conditions". Well done.
Yikes, very suspenseful! Great job! (I'd keep "foreboding," personally). Loved your ending and the spiritual application.
Good writing. Loved your descriptions. This one could be used for several spiritual applications. Choices, faith, discernment, etc...Good job.
Well done - and a cliff hanger -literally!! :)
This would be great as a lead in to a youth group discussion! Great job! Hope to read more of these!
Very visual writing. A story with lots of applications - for me it was sometimes we have to almost lose what we have to really appreciate it. Well done. Yeggy