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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: BUG (04/06/17)
Steven stared down at the little girl, speechless.



"I asked if you wanted to see my bug collection." She grabbed him by his little finger and led him up to the porch. Her name was Grace. Or at least he thought that's what she'd said in the endless chattering that ensued on their way up the sidewalk. He looked at the girl's father swaying gently on the worn out porch swing. He smiled and nodded to Steven as if to say "Hello." Then another nod in the direction of the girl. Steven shuffled slowly as he approached Grace and her collection resting neatly on the top step. He stared at her as she chattered about her praying mantis and her monarch butterfly. No one ever talked to him and they especially never grabbed him by the hand and invited him into their lives.



At six foot four, Steven towered over the other kids at school and he was only a freshman. He walked with his head down and kept to himself. Not that he needed to avoid any of his classmates because they all had reasons for steering clear of him. Perhaps it was the foul odor that lingered after him or maybe it was the shirt he wore every other day--the one with the ketchup stain the shape of Oklahoma. Perhaps it was the permanent scowl they saw etched on his face on the rare occasion he looked up from his tattered shoes. Or possibly it was because of his not-so-flattering nickname--Bug.



Last year, on the first day of school, he was sitting alone at the lunch table, reading his comic book, minding his business. He felt something tickling his head and mindlessly reached up, brushing his fingers through his matted locks, knocking something to the floor. Before he realized what had happened, one kid had managed to thoroughly humiliate him--the kid had thrown a bug on him and yelled, "He has lice!" The cafeteria erupted in laughter and that was just one more reason everyone began avoiding him. The kids called him Bug every day after that and it just stuck. With everyone.



He didn't mind when his mom used to call him that. His chest tightened a little as a blurry image of her filled his mind. He swiped quickly as the memory quietly slipped down his cheek. To her, he was always her love bug or her snuggle buggle. Eventually, she just called him Bug, but never in front of anyone. He was barely six when she passed away and as hard as he tried to hold on, he was starting to forget her face. He didn't love anything after she died. Least of all, himself. While he knew his dad loved him, he was hardly the mothering type. He'd had to take on two jobs--an auto mechanic by day, a computer repairman by night--and tended to neglect the things his wife used to do. As a result, Steven was by himself most of the time, even from the time he was six, and loneliness had followed him every day since.



"Is your name really Bug? I hear the kids yell at you sometimes." He stared at her, but she was busy rearranging her collection.



"I'm Steven. They just call me Bug because they know I don't like it." He shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at his sock through the hole in his shoe.



"You don't like it?!" Her shock made Steven crack a smile as she continued chattering. "I think it's the coolest name! I'm pretty sure God thinks it's a cool name, too."



"God? Why would God think my name is cool?" He shook his head in disbelief, then whispered, "Why would God think anything about me?"



"Because, silly. God made all of the bugs and He loves them, but He loves us WAY more than the bugs! Jesus loves YOU, Steven!" She smiled at him as she ran over and whispered something to her father. With a smile and a nod from her father, Grace ran to Steven and said, "Daddy says from now on, we can all be friends. And friends love each other just the way God loves us."



This time, Steven didn't stop the tear that silently rolled down his cheek. In that moment, he knew he would forever remember that beautiful bug collection and the day he found a friend in God--all because of a beautiful little girl named Grace.
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This article has been read 541 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Judy Ewald
04/14/17
I really enjoyed your story. I was emotionally engaged. You had a great message, well written.
Karen Emmer
04/14/17
A very tender story. I really felt for your characters awkwardness.
Michael Dreher
04/14/17
Hello, and thank you for your article.

First I have to say that you succeeded in engaging your reader. Well, at least I was definitely engaged.

Second, you did a good job portraying the way that Steven felt, and in a short article, that is quite an accomplishment.

From a critical perspective there wasn't much there to pick out. I did think some sentences could have been reworded for precision. For instance:

"Last year, on the first day of school, he was sitting alone at the lunch table, reading his comic book, minding his business."

You have 4 commas in one sentence and they could have been avoided. I think if you reworded the sentence to avoid the overuse of the commas, it would lead better into the next sentence.

Overall, it was well done. I love the acceptance of Grace. Most of the children avoided Bug, but she goes out her way to befriend him.

I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for sharing.
Elaine Hemingway
04/15/17
A good message for the title and a lesson to be learned. Thank you for that.
Larry Whittington
04/17/17
Your story uncovers a tragedy in our society of both young and old - not accepting others as they are.

I though this well thought out and well written.
Larry Whittington
04/17/17
Your story uncovers a tragedy in our society of both young and old - not accepting others as they are.

I though this well thought out and well written.
Phillip Cimei
04/18/17
Nicknames can bring smiles or they can bring anxiety. You did a good job on the topic. I enjoyed the story.

A couple pointer. I think you need some good transition between paragraphs. You started out "Last year" and then the next paragraph went back to the little girl. Some of the others needed some transition. That makes it flow better and the reader doesn't have to wonder about the time of the scene.

You did a good job of portraying the young man. Just a couple of sentences that were passive could have been enhanced with active words.

Overall you did a good job. God bless.
Bonnie Bowden 
04/27/17
Congratulations on your 2nd place finish in the Beginners category, Candace.

I really think you did a great job of evoking emotion in the story. I could just feel the MC's struggle in fitting in and feeling loved.
Candace Meiler
04/27/17
Just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to leave feedback. I really appreciate it!