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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: PHONE (11/10/16)
There is nothing worse than driving along the road, and your vehicle suddenly stalls. When you don't have a phone with you, then it can be a nightmare especially if your on a highway with no payphone near by.
A few years ago, my husband and I were driving on an interstate highway. We had an SUV at the time. It started to slow down as my husband drove, and suddenly the engine stopped. I panicked because we didn't have AAA travel insurance. We also couldn't use our cell phones because my phone was only good for Canada, and my husband couldn't any roaming charges on his cell phone, so I cried out to God, and said,
"Please let the SUV start up again." Afterwards the SUV was up and running again until we reached a gas station, and we filled up the vehicle with fuel. We never ran into that problem on the way home that day either.

I believe that God answered my prayer write away. If we had of phoned for help then we could have waited up to 2 hours before we were headed on the road again.
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This article has been read 604 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Larry Whittington
11/18/16
This was a good example of why a cell phone is useful today in case of an emergency.

There were two or three spelling or grammar errors but they did not impede the reading of the piece.

you're = you are
your = used like "your books".

You have a lot to offer in your writing. Keep it coming.
Noel Mitaxa 
11/20/16
You have a very conversational style that brings the emotions of a brief drama (and who hasn't experienced similar driving dramas?) to life.
You have plenty of room to develop this story, and showing as well as telling would add even more life ... Let's hear the coughs or splutters of the engine ... the heat/coldness or sense of isolation that added to the drama.... some conversation between the couple - or with others at the gas station, where somebody offers an inevitable and unhelpful comment like: "My uncle had that model, and he was always having the same trouble!!!"
Toni Babcock 
11/21/16
"If you're on a highway" / "couldn't use any roaming charges / "right" instead of write... just a few grammar corrections to be made to your good story. Also a space between paragraphs makes for easier reading. Thanks for entering the Challenge!
Bonnie Bowden 
11/24/16
This short piece has some good insights in it.

Suggestions:

Show don't tell

We were traveling down Route 54 when our car just stopped.

Gary turned the key, but nothing happened.

Use dialogue:

"Is your cell getting a signal?"

The word write should have been right.

I think you have great potential as a writer.