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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Escape (01/02/06)
Finding Refuge in His Arms

The sun cast its bright, warm rays against a clear blue canvassed sky as Leslie Walker drove her Expedition to work. The morning has started out bad when her alarm clock didn’t work and just happened to wake up on her own, then when things started looking better, traffic had backed up for three miles due to an accident on the interstate.

Leslie had no more than walked in the office when Mr. Jones, her supervisor called her into his office for a meeting. “Please God give me strength “she whispered as she walked inside closing the door behind her. Knowing this was not going to be a good talk she braced herself for him either firing her or give a written reprimand, Leslie had only been at this particular job for two weeks and being late was not the way to impress those she worked with.

Mr. Jones gave her a grim look as he crossed arms over his chest leaning back in his chair. “Could you have not called to tell me you were running late Leslie?” he asked her when she sat down before him. Leslie looked him directly eye to eye and answered truthfully. “I am truly sorry Mr. Jones, I left my house in such a hurry that it didn’t occur to me that it would be wise to go ahead and call in. I assure you next time I am late a phone call will be made. “

Leslies warm brown eyes filled with tears as she sat there listening to her supervisor talk about how important it was to be a good employee and to set examples for the other co-workers. She knew very well he was right, yet it didn’t ease the pang of disappointment she felt.

Mr. Jones dismissed her from the meeting and the day went on by without mishap. He understood things happen from time to time, yet had expected better from his newest employee.

Once Leslie got home, she went straight to her bedroom where she took hold of the bible that lay on the nightstand by her bed. She began to read her favorite scriptures that always seemed to uplift her when things were bad. Soon Leslie knelt there by her bed and prayed.

“Dear God I am humbled by all the blessings you have bestowed upon me this day. It is your loving arms and gentle guidance that leads me upon my life’s journey. When things seem almost too much to bare, God you are there for me to escape to. Your strength builds me up, your love surrounds me and your words bring a peace that nothing in this world could even began to bring to my heart. Thank you for being my Savior, my rock, my refuge. “

When Leslie finished praying, she felt the burdens of the day lifted from her shoulders. Only within Gods arms would she be able to face the new days ahead with reassurance that he and his words was the escape to seeking peace.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Phyllis Inniss 
01/12/06
A good article about trusting in the Lord. A few grammatical mistakes that need to be corrected.
Andria Cook
01/15/06
The story is good, one we can all relate to. Here are my suggestions.

Take out the first paragraph, in the second paragraph you show us these things instead of telling us. We don't have to have a lot of background, especially in the first paragraph.

Be careful, so that you catch all of the typos in your pieces. Such as the space before " in the second paragraph.

Watch out for awkward wording. Such as:

paragraph three: as he crossed (his?) arms

how did she know the meeting wasn't good?

could you not have called flows easier.

Be careful of phrases that cause your reader stop and repeat what you have said to make sense of it. This breaks the flow and energy of the story.

The last thing is point of view. This is a big thing for most of us! The story is written from her POV view, so you can't have insight into what he thinks, feels or in this case, understands without the dialogue expressing it.

Hope these suggestions help!

Good luck in your writing.