Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Trees (12/05/05)
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TITLE: The Little Tree | Previous Challenge Entry
By Yvonne Osborne
12/07/05 -
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Its darkened head like an ageing bough,
Hangs down in the wood and now,
Lays its heavy burden down.
In the spring time of its birth,
Like bird-song in the distant hills,
That echoes through the wood and thrills,
Sunlight warmed the happy earth.
Summer brought the golden beech,
That hid the nesting robins young,
And all along the glades there hung
Dancing leaves to flowers speech.
Suddenly the autumn came,
Cold mists like landfills heavy silt,
Hiding the bough of heavy guilt,
That stood in naked shame.
Deep the shadows of the wood,
Paralysed and stripped of choice,
Held the secrets, stilled the voice,
Where a little tree once stood.
In winters day of ice and snow,
That froze the brittle twig and branch,
There came at last a waited chance,
When love came by and whispered low.
In the darkness of the night
That closed itself in frozen pain,
Love came and said to live again,
“Climb up. Climb up with all your might.”
“You are like my lamb,” Love said,
And I shall never let you go,
“Love holds although it does not show,
And will not break if you are dead”.
The year is gone, the new is come,
Love’s music echoes in the night,
Love’s song lifts the lamb to light,
Remembering that they are one.
Deep in the middle of the wood,
Love holds forever in our heart,
With arms about that cannot part,
Where the little tree once stood.
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I really enjoyed reading it,and imagining about this little tree.
In your first stanza, "Its" seems to refer to the year, rather than to the tree.
Your last 4 stanzas really drew me in--I read them several times. The emotion is clearly depicted, but the symbolism is difficult.
All in all, there is much to like here. I'll be returning to this one.
Keep an eye on your spelling. "Ageing" should be "Aging".
"Paralysed" I believe should be "Paralyzed".
These are small things, but misspellings could catch the eye of an editor and hurt your work.
Your prose is very good. Keep writing:)
Welcome to faithwriters and I hope to read many more of your entries. Thank you for your comment on my last entry; Calendar of my heart.
I know what it is to write about, and in, pain. But we have our Comforter. Your "Little Tree" reminds me of my entry; Restless Seed. Each making a statment!
Take care, God bless, Jacque