Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: ROAD TRIP (vacation) (07/02/15)
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TITLE: Lasting Through The Storm | Previous Challenge Entry
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07/02/15 -
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Savannah, Georgia is a beautiful, historic southern city. It is the oldest city in Georgia. My first trip to this hollowed place of battles and belles has become a favorite destination of mine.
It was in 1996 when my husband and two young sons decided to take a trip to Savannah. Despite the fact that there was a tropical disturbance in the Atlantic Ocean, we took the risk anyway.
Our excitement far outweighed any possibility of a hurricane developing. I prayed to God for good travel weather. The boys were watching us prepare for the trip without a care in the world. We were thrilled to be getting a break from work.
The long stretch of highway on US 16 is indeed, long and barren. All you can see are cotton fields, a true southern picture. Farmlands abound with houses lining the far distance off the main roads.
“Hopefully, the storms will cease when we get to Savannah.” I was looking forward to a wonderful time. My husband silently agreed. I glanced back at the boys who were sound asleep. I loved watching their innocent faces.
It is the same way I felt about traveling at this time, knowing that the ocean was bellowing with an impending storm; yet, I could rest peacefully like my boys knowing that I was safe in the arms of the Lord.
Our arrival into Savannah was rainy and gray. I thought, “How can anyone enjoy this?”
Nonetheless, we had arrived and swiftly learned to make the best of it.
The rain subsided and we began to take in the riverfront beauty of the city. As we watched the huge cargo ships enter into the Savannah River, we were amazed to see the looming objects before us. My husband and I looked at one another with a smile. The sun was shining down upon us!
The weather forecast was still predicting bad weather. But, my hope was in God’s plan for us to enjoy our vacation. In fact, one evening we decided to go to Tybee Island, Savannah’s beach. The wind was blowing hard with light rain. Still, we had to see the beach for the first time. Some may have called us two silly adults, but I know God was being patient with us.
The skies were clearing and we took a guided tour. We learned about how the beautiful city squares were designed and about Georgia’s founder, James Oglethorpe. Our boys had no interest in the aviation museum or the famous movie sites around town; however, they enjoyed being with us and knowing that they were safe. Also, I had to hold on to the promise of my Father that he was keeping me safe, despite the warnings of an approaching hurricane.
One day during our vacation we wanted to drive over to Hilton Head Island, which was less than an hour away. That morning a tornado warning for Savannah and surrounding areas was predicted.
My husband looked at me with big eyes. “Looks like we won’t be going over to Hilton Head today.” I did not respond. I tried not to panic though. I went into the bathroom, which was my prayer closet while away from home. I calmly asked God to hold back the storm clouds over Savannah and to let the storms move away.
I felt okay after the prayer. Yet, we decided to forgo Hilton Head and delighted ourselves with great food and sightseeing. The end of the day was quiet, weather wise. We turned on the television for updates. The forecaster was standing near the map showing the weather in Savannah and surrounding areas.
“There was a tornado in Hilton Head today.” My eyes popped wide open. William and I sat in silence. I immediately began thanking God that we did not go over there.
The weatherman continued, “This is Savannah in the clear. All the turbulent weather has been around the city.” I was ready to start shouting then. The map indeed showed Savannah in the clear. It was like God had built a wall of protection around the entire city. I told my husband about praying in the bathroom. He thanked God also for our safety.
I have learned that no matter where I am, God is with me. We had a safe trip back home. The hurricane never hit Savannah while we vacationed there. God brought us through the danger of the storm.
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My main red ink would be to encourage you to do more showing. Many writers struggle with finding the right balance between telling and showing. For example, your beginning felt more like a school essay. Instead, you might want to draw the reader in with something like: I nibbled on my nails while watching the news. My husband and I had planned a family vacation to Savanna,but weather reports focused on the storm brewing in the Atlantic.
By doing something like that you can paint a picture for your reader and create a level of suspense. Instead of telling about being nervous, I tried to show it with the body language. It's not perfect, but I hope it shows you what I mean.
I really liked how you showed the family making the best of a rough time. Life is often filled with disappointment, but you demonstrated how to make the best of the situation. What a wonderful role model for the kids. You did a nice job of writing on topic and delivering a couple of great messages.
Great job.
God bless~