Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS (Don't write about the song) (04/16/15)
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TITLE: Meatloaf | Previous Challenge Entry
By John Esposito
04/23/15 -
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ADD TO MY FAVORITES
Always the four of us, me, my mom, my step dad, and my brother all sitting around an old wooden table having dinner together. Sparky our Dachshund always sat between me and my brother waiting patiently for something to slip off of one of our forks.
A nice fresh salad and a steaming bowl of green beans. Glass salt and pepper shakers with silver tops and a bottle of French dressing. Sitting right in the middle of all this was a yellow platter with my moms meatloaf special adorned with parsley.
Trust me when I say that there was nothing special about this meatloaf. It was plain and had no seasoning. It was hard and burned on the outside and raw in the middle. She baked it with peas on the inside and ketchup all over the outside.
Over the years I’ve struggled to eat this, and on this very night I was going to take a stand. I got up from the table and walked over to the kitchen cabinet. I opened the door and grabbed the bread and the peanut butter. I then went to the fridge and grabbed the jelly, grape jelly to be exact. I then sat back down at the table and made a sandwich, then waited, and I didn’t have to wait long.
My step dad turns and looks at me. He didn’t say anything, he just squinted his eyes a little and smiled. My brother kept glancing over at me making a sandwich with drool escaping from the corners of his mouth. And I kept glancing over at his plate with metal shavings from his ground down knife from trying to cut through his meatloaf.
At that moment I realized that I made the right decision and at that very same moment my mom looks at me and says, “What do you think you’re doing?”
“I’m sorry mom, but I can’t eat your meatloaf.”
“You’re going to eat this and you’re going to like it.”
“I don’t like it and I’m not going to eat it and that’s that!”
“I don’t know who you think you’re talking to, but you just crossed the line. There are hungry kids all over the world that would love some of this food. You better start counting your blessings young man and start appreciating everything that you have.”
“I do appreciate everything that I have. I was also counting on peanut being in the cabinet and was blessed to find it.”
“That’s it! Go to your room.”
Well that little stunt and those comments got me grounded for a week. In fact now that I think about it, I was grounded for most of my childhood. I have always been set in my ways and head strong.
It sounds like I was an ungrateful child, but I really wasn’t. I truly did count my blessings and was thankful for everything that I had.
At an early age I learned that I may not have the biggest house on my street, but I have a roof over my head. I may not have the nicest car, but I have transportation. I may not be able to eat in 5 star restaurants, but I have food in my cupboard. And I may not own a suit, but I have clothes on my back. The Lord has always provided and I am very blessed and I am very thankful.
Audrey (yeah, that used to get me in trouble too) if you ever get the chance to read this please know that I am blessed that God provided you for me and that I’m blessed that you provided for me as well.
May your days be filled with prayer, songs to the Lord, and countless blessings. – Luke 12:15 NIV
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Be careful about misplaced modifiers. For example, in your sentence, Growing up dinner time was always an adventure , the words "growing up" modify "dinner time," but it's not "dinner time" that was growing up. A better way to write that would be something like When I was growing up, dinner time was always an adventure.
There were a few additional mechanical errors: A slip into present tense in the first sentence of the sixth paragraph, for example, and several places where commas are needed. And I don't think that your address to Audrey at the end of the piece is particularly effective; it's as if you suddenly turn your back on your reader to engage in this personal conversation.
If you were to publish this, I'd recommend a final polish to tweak these minor flaws. However, as a whole, this is a strong piece of writing. You made your point with humor and without preachiness.
God bless~
I'd urge you to find a good proofreader to help you catch little things like the opening lines of the first two paragraphs were incomplete sentences. You also missed quite a few commas that would make it easier to read. This is just my opinion, but I wonder if the beginning would have been more of a grabber if you had started with a conflict. For example, you could do something like this: When I was ten, I decided to take a stand by refusing to take I couldn't fathom eating another bite of my Mom's meatloaf.
You really did a great job of this. I could easily picture this unfolding at the dinner. It was as good as watching a sitcom. You have a real knack for storytelling. The ending is often the hardest part, but you nailed that too. It left me with a smile and a warm feeling. Great job.
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