The Official Writing Challenge
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Member Comments
I love this story and the advice sprinkled throughout on how to help people improve their "swing." What a great lesson for us all (no matter what side of the bat we're standing on)!
Good story. It flowed well, good lesson to be learned. It was a nice setting to teach such a lesson.

Don't we all need to learn lessons like this or be reminded of them.

Just for practice, write a short story of what happened to cause Bobby's improvement.

That would be interesting.
I love this! Are you positive you are a "beginner"? This is so well written, the spacing is excellent, and the theme right on target.

I expect to see at least a ribbon for this . . .
I love this story. You showed the conflict right off and it immediately pulled me into the story. I also really liked the name, Jersey. It's different, but also seems fitting that he might be a baseball expert.

I noticed a couple of times that you forgot the end quotes (though I thought your dialog flowed nicely.) I also wasn't sure who the MC was. I thought it might have been his mom, but then wondered at the end.

I think you did a fantastic job of pulling it all together in the end. Often, people struggle with a satisfying ending because of the word count, but you handled it expertly. You also nailed the topic. It was fresh and interesting. You wrote it in a way that the topic wasn't overused, yet the story was based on experts, both in baseball and in the human nature. I really enjoyed this, it's one of my favorites so far this week.
During the break in the Weekly Challenge schedule, I’d like to invite you to the FaithWriters forums, where I’m holding a weekly free “class” in various writing strategies. Participation is strictly voluntary, but I give free and timely feedback on all contributions. I’d love to have you drop by!