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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Exotic (08/08/13)
When the plane landed I just about kissed the tarmac, not that you get to see tarmac these days. Now it's all "right this way" to a customs check and then the immigration passport check. They look you over and then it's out the door to the muggy hot air and blessing upon blessing, Palm Trees.
I can breathe here. Growing up with a few minor breathing problems means I always did best while struggling through a midnight hour of short breaths in a bathroom full of steam. Here on the Gulf of Mexico, its like living in the steam room. I can breathe, and breathe and breathe.
I just flourish along with the fox tale palms, and the Queen Palms and the tall and slender Royal Palms. When I need to return to the cold country, I best find myself a little space in the exotic section of the arboretum. I'll just sit and breathe an hour or two. Sometimes God leads us to the exotic section of the garden.It’s where some of us who need to bend and shake out our flourishing greenery can breathe and sway a little.
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This article has been read 643 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
Larry Whittington
08/16/13
I don't have a breathing problem but I would hope that you are able to do the things that you have to do.

This is a statement of your breathing difficulties without going into a lot of details.

Get ready for the next word.
Virgil Youngblood 
08/16/13
Short,but interesting. Inserting more detail, perhaps the location on the Gulf Coast and other tidbits would paint a picture for the reader, inviting her along on your trip. And adding white space between paragraphs would make for easier reading. Be sure to hit the preview button before submitting to catch and fix glitches. Looking forward to reading your next submission.
Jodi Gardner
08/18/13
What an amazing message! I had no clue how powerful it would be when I began reading it. So short but direct. I found myself breathing in the humid air with you. Then to recognize your use of imagery to convey a parable was just ... awe inspiring. I found myself caught up in the story, so I am sorry I did not notice grammar or structural data.
C D Swanson 
08/20/13
Interesting read with superb imagery. Nicely done.

God bless~
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
08/20/13
This is a delightful testimony. You did a nice job of tackling the topic in a fresh way.You also made some great points in this short, but sweet piece.

I wish you had gone into more detail, though. I could visualize some of your statements. Here is an example of one way you could expand your story: Gasping for breath, my heart pounds as the steam from the shower makes its way into my crackling lungs.
Many writers struggle with the show don't tell concept. The more you write and read other entries, though, the easier it becomes to balance showing and telling.

I enjoyed your message. We don't need to travel to a faraway island to bask in God's glory. It's all around us whether we live on an island, on the Gulf coast, or in the middle of rural New York. You did a nice job and I look forward to reading more of your work! :)