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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Drip (04/25/13)
Topic:drip
Title: O these tangled webs we weave.

The ‘click’ that Alex heard was from the 9 MM Glock which he saw out of the corner of his eye. The cold steel pressed against his head as he opened the door wider. This sent shivers up and down his spine as he began to sneeze. Was this the end? Did he fail in his mission? Who were these two strangers standing in the doorway? They were dressed in white Thobes with Ghutras covering their head and eyes. Taking a deep breath, Alex could smell olive oil on their clothing.
Slightly stuttering , Alex questioned , “What do-- do you want from me? I have no money on me.”
“Ve don’ wan your mooney. You are bein’ vatch by our leader, Sheik Ben Halhe. Der iss a faction infiltrate our group from Mehico. Ve Von to make sure you no one of dem. Ve Vill ta you to ze Varehous an da vill question you. Come now!”
Alex didn’t argue. He knew the temperament of the MIddle East mind. He didn’t have time to grab his file, but he had memorized it anyway.
At gun point, the men took the unwilling Alex to a large limo waiting for them out front. It too had the greasy smell of olive oil. Arriving at the warehouse , Alex was ushered into a dark, cluttered room filled with boxes and barrels. There were 6 men and 2 women sitting around a heavy table. The air was thick with strong tobacco smoke, which made Alex sneeze several times. The men had the traditional head dress covering their faces and the 2 women wore the traditional veil. All Alex could see was the penetrating dark eyes of 8 covered bodies. In Alex’s mind it looked like a conclave of demons staring at him. To make matters worse, there was a constant drip, drip, drip as the water seeped in and weaved its way down the concrete block wall. Yet there was something very familiar to his nose – it was that fragrance again.
Searching the dark eyes of t he conclave, Alex thought he recognized a pair that might possibly be Alisa’s beautiful eyes? Alex tried not to stare at her, else he would destroy her cover. Those eyes seemed to flash a warning to Alex.
“Evry body iss here now, lit us ge don to busnes. Evan, you vil ta dis straa-nger into ze cell an questin’ hem. Den ven you ar sur he alrigh, brin hem bac.”
Evan was not too loving as he dragged Alex into the ‘interrogation’ room. Then Evan began to ask some very personel questions: Where was he born? Who were his brothers and sisters? Who were his parents? What were his friends and associates names? Was he married, any children? Alex had memorized all this information from the file and gave good quick answers.
After about an hour later, Evan brought Alex back into the room with the other eight terrorists. He told the Sheik that Alex was clean.
From this point on Alex will be known as Ben-Hill from Lebanon. He has never been married and he has three brothers and one sister, all of whom are involved in terrorist activities in Lebanon. His parents, however are in hiding in Israel, as they are Christians. They would be killed if they went back to Lebanon.
All this information seemed to satisfy the conclave. Ben-Hill hoped he could pull off the Christian part. He knew he would need to study the Bible more to really convince the group of his ‘parents’ part.
As Ben-Hill was shown his seat at the table, something seemed terribly tense and strained. What was going on? Had they found out about Alisa?
The leader looked straight at a tall dark figure and burst out ,”Dis mon iss spy. Ve caugh’ him in lie.” The Sheik went over and tore the head dress off the spy’s head. Guns were pulled out and aimed at none other than ……………….and the water went drip, drip, drip
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This article has been read 464 times
Member Comments
Member
Date
lynn gipson 
05/04/13
Good, interesting writing. You need to space between the paragraphs to make it easier to read, but other than that, Good Job!
Fiona Stevenson
05/05/13
When story-writing it is preferable to write out the numbers, e.g. six, not 6. This reads like an extract from a longer story, and I found the ending a little confusing. Probably just me. God bless you.
Virgil Youngblood 
05/07/13
I liked the mystery, suspense and increasing intrigue. Although "drips" are thrown in, the story does not seem on topic to me. If you leave the Topic and Title lines off at the beginning, you will free up word space that can be used in the story, if needed. The dialog, though a little hard to follow, gave good flavor to the story.