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Previous Challenge Entry (Level 1 – Beginner)
Topic: Outlandish (05/19/11)
You see, what you see...I see, what you see. You see what I see yet nothing at all. How sad the sight to see with no view. Open your eyes! See what I see, see what you see...see deeper. Deeper than I see and the sights of my eyes, further than is capable by the eyes that have been given. See me as I see you, as He sees me, as He sees you. Through film I see the sights that are shown, through darkness they see the Spirit that dwells, but they see. They see without seeing. They see without knowing. They see what I see and yet they long to see. They see what you see and they see nothing. Open your eyes to the view of the deep, the deep that sinks deeper than sight can see. Cry out to the deep that dwells within! See what I see, beyond the sights of the eyes...beyond the sights of this world...open your eyes...open your eyes and see from His sight. For I see what you see and I see what He sees, see what I see, see what is shown...open your eyes.
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Member Comments
Member
Date
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
05/26/11
This is very powerful and you used the repetition to make the piece stronger.

The one thing that I would have like to see is to whom you were writing-one person in particular or all of the unbelieving-you used you and some of the yous who read do see what you see.

This is a nice, short, and right to the point. I wonder if you had set it in poem format if it wouldn't have even more punch to it. Nice job, your passion comes through loud and clear.
Latoya Dancy
05/26/11
I could only go where the Holy Spirit led and God knows who this was for and the exact reason why he gave it like this, I don't question it but you were led to read this for a reason and with all due respect I can't take your critique over what my Father says, perfection can't be perfected. After reading over it again I would say it's for everyone, here or there, there's a message. God reveals revelation as he sees fit and while it may touch you one way another may see it from a different perspective where rhyme would be distracting. Remember that our vision here on earth is only cloudy and God cannot be put in a box to please our simple minds for our thoughts are not his thoughts.

To sum it up, I could have made this very pleasing to the eye and ear with a nice 1/4 line rhyme pattern and struck deep-set emotions in readers but God has his plan. I didn't get it but I trust my Daddy and I let him have his way in every aspect so GLORY BE TO GOD! SOMEBODY needed this, if it was you praise him now! If it wasn't you then praise him for the soul he touched. I take no credit in the way he moves but THANK GOD for the bloodline! :D
Lisa Fowler
05/26/11
Deep! So deep in fact I had to read it multiple times to "get it." Good for you for obeying the Spirits' leading. Although I understood it, perhaps a simpler format might have helped. Keep writing!
Bonnie Bowden 
05/29/11
I think you were wise to follow the Spirit's leading to write the words as they were spoken to you. However, I'm not so sure if the actual format matters.

I hope the person it is intended for reads it. It reminds me of some of the parables Jesus used.
Shann Hall-LochmannVanBennekom 
06/02/11
When I suggested a poem format I meant that the piece was poetic, not that you add rhymes but make it into verses (free verse is acceptable and popular today) as a way to give the reader the much needed white space. I'd hate for someone who needs to see this might overlook it because it may appear overwhelming. Just my thoughts and I hope you understand they are given with love and meant as a critique not criticism. God bless and keep following the Spirit's leading. :)