The Fall | Previous Challenge Entry

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TITLE: The Fall | Previous Challenge Entry
By Beth Rocales
09/02/09
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The Fall

Sitting alone at the balcony of a Starbucks coffee shop, my brother in Christ and friend Dave sat utterly still, his face contorted in pain as he gazed into the distance, far beyond the greenish lagoon in front of him. With my favorite caramel frappuccino in hand, I gingerly approached him, not knowing what to say or how to start. Six months earlier, I have stopped talking to Dave. I have ignored him as much as I possibly could. I talked to him civilly in front of our common friends, only if and when necessary. During those times, I had no clue if he noticed my coldness or my distance. I thought he acted blasé each time so I pretended everything was also okay with me. Deep inside though, I was one rotting tomato, my heart tore each time I thought of and saw him, ‘detesting’ him for what he ‘did’ to me or ‘thought’ of me.

I thought my misery would never end until God reached out to both of us through a common friend. We knew we needed to talk. So there we were one quiet afternoon, two old ‘Christian’ friends, both ‘ministers’ of the Word, meeting again, in the very same place where we first ‘met’ more than a year before. As I reached him, I gently and teasingly whispered:

“My judgment day has come.” As if caught in the act, he instinctively shifted and tried to hide the pain on his face, forced a small smile and lamely joked: “Okay, let’s start. What are your issues?”

I bowed my head and said: “Would you mind if you do the talking first? I just want to listen for now.”

There was only silence. Worried, I took a peek at him and what I saw almost jolted me. Not only his face was contorted but his whole body seemed to be shaking in pain, he looked like he couldn’t breathe as he tried to remember the issues of the past. Realizing I was looking at him, again, he quickly fixed himself and said:

“They were too many and too painful that I can’t even seem to remember. I would rather we forget the whole thing and just move on,” and smiled.

Knowing it was important for us to settle our issues before we could continue, I lightly told him that it would be better if we discussed, no matter how painful. He became quiet again for a moment, and then, stealing a quick look at me he tenderly but firmly said:

“It was your emails, your fiery messages and accusations that drove me away Cel.” “A man can only take so much you know.” Then he hastily cited a few instances when I became critical of him, judged him wrongly and made him feel and look like a real evil even when he was not committing any crime, all because of my erroneous assumptions based on what I heard and I thought I saw.

My heart suddenly stopped, I couldn’t breathe. My shoulders sagged as the cream on my frappuccino gradually sank, seemingly sympathizing with my fast crumbling world. I quickly looked around, figuring a way out without being noticed by Dave, wondering if the concrete floor beneath me could suddenly give way and engulf me. But nothing happened. Dave continued talking, oblivious to the chaos his words were causing me inside. I didn’t know what to say. I tried to find an excuse for my actions but I couldn’t find any, tried to defend myself but found for the first time my tongue suddenly stuck inside my mouth. Finally gathering the strength, I mumbled:

“Before you go any further, let me now ask your forgiveness for anything I have said or done that may have caused you pain.” As if promptly suspecting I was feeling condemned, Dave paused.

Suddenly, my once lofty, structured world of pride, arrogance and self righteousness came crashing down. My crowns started dropping from my head one by one, like leaves falling from a once proudly standing tree in a tranquil autumn afternoon, a tree shaken not by a fierce gale but by a soft but firm breeze. The line from the Bible “How you have fallen from heaven son of the morning” came to mind as I sat there speechless next to my hurting brother and friend. Convicted and filled with remorse, I thought to myself: “How high I have fallen indeed.”

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